Of all of these wondrous, challenging things with which we live, I hope you regard it a blessing to be alive in this great age of the world. . . . I hope you walk with gratitude in your hearts, really. Grateful people are respectful people. Grateful people are courteous people. Grateful people are kindly people. Be grateful.

Gordon B. Hinckley
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Lessons for Life - Gratitude

"Both abundance and lack exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend... when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that's present -- love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature and personal pursuits that bring us pleasure -- the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience Heaven on earth." - Sarah Ban Breathnach

As I write this article, I’m filled with gratitude. Five years ago I was in a job I hated. Today, writing newsletter articles and sharing my experiences of self-care with you is part of my job - what a joy!

And though some days I can still get caught up in what I DON’T have yet, what I HAVEN’T done yet and what I’ll probably NEVER have or NEVER do, all it takes is a few moments of reflection about what I have to be grateful for and my thoughts are completely turned around.

Two experiences over recents month have helped me to get into the right frame of mind.

During eight weeks of the winter I’m blessed with a volunteer opportunity at a program that provides dinner and shelter to those in need. While I started out three years ago as a dinner helper, I soon realized that my music could be a real gift to our guests and volunteers – infusing the atmosphere and creating opportunities for camaraderie, nostalgia, relaxation and joy. Not to mention lots and lots of singing.

Now my “job,” for eight Wednesday nights every winter, is to set up my guitar and songbook (complete with a list of songs that guests can thumb through to make requests) and fill the room with music. I absolutely love it.

I’ve noticed that many of our guests are often cheerful, friendly and helpful, and deeply appreciative of what they receive. With all they’re struggling within their daily lives – struggles I can only imagine - they manage to celebrate the moment, show kindness to others and express their gratitude.

The other mind-altering event was of course the devastating earthquake and resulting tsunami of December 26, 2004, that destroyed so many lives and has impacted the entire world.

The gifts of gratitude I receive from my awareness of both of these realities so different from my own are many. Whenever I’m outdoors in the Canadian winter weather and I notice myself thinking that it’s too cold or too wet I immediately express my gratitude that for me the experience is only brief and temporary. In light of all I’ve seen and heard about in the last few weeks, what do I have to complain about?

Tonight, when you’re getting ready to sleep, why not stop for a moment and make a list of everything YOU have to be grateful for. Here's a few to get you started.

I’m grateful to have a roof over my head. I'm grateful for my health. I’m grateful to have money in my wallet. I’m grateful to have food in my fridge. What would life be like without even one of those things? What else can you think of to be grateful for?

Use your list as a reminder when you get caught up in the "I DON’T have yet, what I HAVEN’T done yet and what I’ll probably NEVER have or NEVER do" mind set.

© Copyright Genuine Coaching Services.

All rights reserved.
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Let there be more joy and laughter in your living.

Eileen Caddy
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EACH DAY IS A GIFT

by Author Unknown

The 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud lady, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with her hair fashionably coifed and makeup perfectly applied, even though she is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.

Her husband of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.

After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, she smiled sweetly when told her room was ready.

As she maneuvered her walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of her tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on her window. "I love it," she stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

"Mrs. Jones, you haven't seen the room .... just wait."

"That doesn't have anything to do with it," she replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged, it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away, just for this time in my life."

She went on to explain, "Old age is like a bank account, you withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing."

And with a smile, she said: "Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.

2. Free your mind from worries.

3. Live simply.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less."
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In the case of good books, the point is not how many of them you can get through, but rather how many can get through to you.

Mortimer J. Adler

"It's lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believe in myself."

Muhammad Ali
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THE MAJOR KEY TO YOUR BETTER FUTURE IS YOU

by Jim Rohn

Of all the things that can have an effect on your future, I believe personal growth is the greatest. We can talk about sales growth, profit growth, asset growth, but all of this probably will not happen without personal growth. It's really the open door to it all. In fact I'd like to have you memorize a most important phrase. Here it is, "The major key to your better future is YOU."

Let me repeat that. "The major key to your better future is YOU." Put that someplace you can see it everyday, in the bathroom, in the kitchen, at the office, anywhere where you can see it everyday. The major key to your better future is YOU. Try to remember that every day you live and think about it. The major key is YOU.

Now, there are many things that will help your better future. If you belong to a strong, dynamic, progressive company, that would help. If the company has good products, good services that you are proud of, that would certainly help. If there were good sales aids, that would help, good training would certainly help. If there is strong leadership that will certainly help. All of these things will help, and of course, if it doesn't storm, that will help. If your car doesn't break down, that will help. If the kids don't get sick, that will help. If the neighbors stay half way civil, that will help. If your relatives don't bug you, that will help. If it isn't too cold, if it isn't too hot, all those things will help your better future. And if prices don't go much higher and if taxes don't get much heavier, that will help. And if the economy stays stable, those things will all help. We could go on and on with the list; but remember this, the list of things that I've just covered and many more - all put together - play a minor role in your better future.

The major key to your better future is you. Lock your mind onto that. This is a super important point to remember. The major key is you. A friend of mine has always answered when asked, "How do you develop an above average income?" He says, "Simple. Become an above average person. Work on you." My friend says, "Develop an above average handshake." He says, "A lot of people want to be successful, and they don't even work on their handshake. As easy as that would be to start, they let it slide. They don't understand." My friend says, "Develop an above average smile. Develop an above average excitement. Develop an above average dedication. Develop an above average interest in other people." He says, "To have more, become more." Remember; work harder on yourself than you do on your job. For a long time in my life, I didn't have this figured out.

Strangely enough, with two different people in the same company one may earn an extra $100 a month, and the other may earn a $1,000. What could possibly be the difference? If the products were the same, if the training was the same, if they both had the same literature, the same tools. If they both had the same teacher, the same compensation plan, if they both attended the same meetings, why would one person earn the $100 per month and the other person earn the $1000? Remember here is the difference... the difference is personal; inside, not outside, inside.

You see the real difference is inside you. In fact, the difference IS you. Someone once said, "The magic is not in the products. The magic is not in the literature. The magic is not in the film. There isn't a magic meeting, but the magic that makes things better is inside you, and personal growth makes this magic work for you.

The magic is in believing. The magic is in daring. The magic is in trying. The real magic is in persevering. The magic is in accepting. It's in working. The magic is in thinking. There is magic in a handshake. There is magic in a smile. There is magic in excitement and determination. There is real magic in compassion and caring and sharing. There is unusual magic in strong feeling and you see, all that comes from inside, not outside. So, the difference is inside you. The real difference is you. You are the major key to your better future.

To Your Success,

Jim Rohn
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"A little faith will bring your soul to heaven; a great faith will bring heaven to your soul."

Charles Spurgeon
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Wholeness

Do something positive and valuable in one area of your life, and every other part of your life will benefit from it. The joy you create and experience in one setting will go with you into other situations.

By the same token, any negativity in one part of your life will exert unfavorable influence on other parts of your life. Everything that is a part of you is a part of all of you.

When you work to improve your skill at one task, it brings added confidence to all other tasks that you undertake. When you nurture a true sense of peace in your home life, your life at work becomes more calm and peaceful as well.

No single part of you can be separated from the wholeness of who you are. Each thought, each action, each feeling is connected to all others.

Your health, your career, your family, your faith, your learning, your interests and enjoyments are all intertwined with each other. And as such, you always have countless specific opportunities to nurture and lift up the whole of your life.

Give your very best to each and every aspect of your life. An abiding sense of excellence and integrity will add much to the whole of your world.

Ralph Marston
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"You don't have to see the whole staircase; just that the first step."

Martin Luther King, JR

(p.s. i thought i would post twice today because i have been such a slacker!! please tell your friends to come read these wonderful wise words from others, remember i only share what others have shared with me!!)

sheri

History had demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heart-breaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats.

B.C. Forbes
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"Questions as Leverage"

By Pamela Dunn

Do you ever feel like your conversation has turned into a wrestling match? When both parties are struggling to be heard and understood, both trying to meet their own agenda for the conversation, a discussion can fall apart in no time at all. So, today I offer you two simple rules of communication:

1. When you *push*, most people back away.

2. When you *invite*, most people step forward.

Now, what do these mean for you and your life? We all want to be heard and understood, and yet, sometimes we need an invitation to speak further. You might be surprised by what you can learn or do with a simple question. Many of my clients are learning to use questions as a way to encourage people to come forward, open up, share information and relate better. Here are a few examples to show you what I mean.

Tom brought an issue to his boss, looking to collaborate on a solution, but his boss simply looked back across the table and asked, "How are you going to fix it?" Instead of shrinking under his confrontational tone, Tom asked, "What would you do if you were in my shoes?" By simply inviting him to contribute, the entire discussion took on a better tone - and ended in a better solution.

When her business partner wanted to know her sales figures for the past month, Stella started to feel nervous. So instead of reacting, she - phrasing it with sincere concern and not defensiveness - asked for more information. "Why are you asking?" The real concern wasn't her performance; it was their new competitor. By inviting a larger perspective, they could address the real issue.

Jim and Gina have been looking at this push/invite dynamic in their marriage. When he comes home late, Gina is usually agitated and irritable. "What takes you so long to get home?" He used to back away emotionally when she did this, and things would be chilly between them for a couple hours. But last time, instead of defending himself, he asked, "Out of curiosity, why do you ask?" When he decided to skip the wrestling, they could relate again. She explained that she just missed him and wanted to spend more time together. There really wasn't anything to fight about.

Most people answer questions quickly and reflexively. But if you want to sidestep the wrestling and get on the same team, you have to slow down and really listen to people. And it helps to be curious. Can you hold your tongue long enough to wonder, "why do you ask?"

Something to reflect on: As you go through the week, make a conscious effort to ask more questions - even when you think you know the answer. Invite people to offer a little more information. "What makes you say that?", "What do you mean?", "Why do you like this job?", "What do you think?"

You might start seeing people differently when you get into their heads and explore their positions, motivations, and concerns. And when they see you expressing an interest, they just might tell you something new.
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The marvelous richness of human experience would lose something of rewarding joy if there were no limitations to overcome. The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse.

Helen Keller
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Just For Today
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;the courage to change the things I can, andthe wisdom to know the difference.
I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once; I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
I will be happy. This assumes that what Abraham Lincoln said is true, that "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my luck as it comes, and fit myself to it.
I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
I will exercise my soul in three ways:
I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out. If anybody knows of it, it will not count.
I will do at least two things I don't want to do - just for exercise.
I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticize not one bit, not find fault with anything and not try to improve or regulate anybody except myself.
I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.
I will have a quiet half hour all by myself, and relax. During this half hour, I will try to get a better perspective of my life.
I will be unafraid, especially when enjoying the beauty of nature.
I will believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.
~author unknown~
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I expect to pass through this life but once. Therefore, if there be any kindness I can show, or any good thing I can do for another human being, let me do it now, for I shall not pass this way again.

William Penn

"Time is the wisest counsellor."

Pericles
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"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home.

The remarkable thing is that we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude...

I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes."

Charles Swindoll
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"As we advance in life we learn the limits of our abilities."

James A. Froude
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FORMULA FOR SUCCESS by Vic Johnson

"He conceives of, mentally builds up, an ideal condition of life; the vision of a wider liberty and a larger scope take possession of him; unrest urges him to action, and he utilizes all his spare time and means, small thought they are, to the development of his latent powers and resources."

- As A Man Thinketh

Read carefully these 52 words and you will find the keys to success in any endeavor.

Allen is describing a young person who is unschooled, mired in poverty and working in unhealthy conditions. He goes on to write that the young person follows the formula above and becomes a person of "world-wide influence and almost unequaled power." He finishes the story noting that "He has realized the Vision of his youth. He has become one with his Ideal."

It's a formula for success that's so simple that most people might overlook or discount its effectiveness. And it's built around one guiding principle - what Napoleon Hill called "a definiteness of purpose." That's what creates the unrest that moves us to action. That's what gives us the energy and drive to spend our spare time and means in developing ourselves to achieve at levels we've never reached before.

One prominent study found that 94% of the 3,000 people interviewed had no definite purpose for their lives. Is it any wonder then that so many people reach their twilight years feeling like life has passed them by? ife doesn't make the distinction, it simply rewards our choice. And the rewards may not always be what we had hoped, as this old poem from "Think and Grow Rich" illustrates:

"I bargained with Life for a penny And Life would pay no more, However I begged at evening When I counted my scanty store.

For Life is a just employer, He gives you what you ask, But once you have set the wages, Why, you must bear the task.

I worked for a menial's hire, Only to learn, dismayed, That any wage I had asked of Life, Life would have willingly paid."

And that's worth thinking about.

Vic Johnson
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"It is a mistake to suppose that men succeed through success; they much oftener succeed through failures. Precept, study, advice, and example could never have taught them so well as failure has done."

Samuel Smiles

It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.

Ralph Waldo Emerson
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LOVE, WEALTH, OR SUCCESS?

A woman came out of her house and saw 3 old men with long white beards sitting in her front yard. She did not recognize them. She said "I don't think I know you, but you must be hungry. Please come in and have something to eat." "Is the man of the house home?", they asked. "No", she said. "He's out." "Then we cannot come in", they replied.

In the evening when her husband came home, she told him what had happened. "Go tell them I am home and invite them in!" The woman went out and invited the men in. "We do not go into a House together," they replied. "Why is that?" she wanted to know. One of the old men explained: "His name is Wealth," he said pointing to one of his friends, and said pointing to another one, "He is Success, and I am Love." Then he added, "Now go in and discuss with your husband which one of us you want in your home."

The woman went in and told her husband what was said. Her husband was overjoyed. "How nice!!", he said. "Since that is the case, let us invite Wealth. Let him come and fill our home with wealth!" His wife disagreed. "My dear, why don't we invite Success?" Their daughter-in-law was listening from the other corner of the house. She jumped in with her own suggestion: "Would it not be better to invite Love? Our home will then be filled with love!" "Let us agree to our daughter-in-law's advice," said the husband to his wife. "Go out and invite Love to be our guest."

The woman went out and asked the 3 old men, "Which one of you is Love Please come in and be our guest." Love got up and started walking toward the house. The other 2 also got up and followed him. Surprised, the lady asked Wealth and Success: "I only invited Love, Why are you coming in?" The old men replied together: "If you had invited Wealth or Success. The other two of us would've stayed out, but since you invited Love. Wherever He goes, we go with him.

Wherever there is Love, there is also Wealth and Success!!!!!!"

~author unknown~
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The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share your riches, but to reveal to him his own.

Benjamin Disraeli
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Dreams are more Your life's dreams are more than just places to go, people to know, things to acquire, and experiences to have. Your dreams express who you are. Behind every dream is a purpose. That purpose is, and always has been, yours.

And so, in a very real sense, every sincere dream you have is already yours. And you are already in the process of living it through.

The tokens and outer appearances of that dream may not yet be completely manifested. Yet within you, that dream is fully alive and real.

The more time, commitment and energy you give to that dream living on the inside, the more solid and apparent it will become on the outside. There is no need to wait for your dreams to be fulfilled, for you can begin this moment to fully live and express the essence of those dreams.

Your life's dreams are valuable not so much for what they get you, but rather for how they express your own unique purpose. Live that purpose in every moment, and you'll know that dreams really do come true.

Ralph Marston
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Remember your yesterdays, dream your tomorrows, live your todays.

Unknown

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.
Martin Luther King
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The Beaver And His Goals

By Byron and Catherine Pulsifer

It started last fall when we had a beaver move in the small stream beside our house. He immediately began taking down small trees, and within a couple of weeks our small stream turned into a small pond. Everyday he added more to his damn and to his house.

We're sure you've all heard the saying, "busy as a beaver", but we never really appreciated it until we saw the work that this beaver did over a very short period of time.

With the stream now damned and his house built, we thought that would be the last of the beaver's busy activity as winter set in. But, to our amazement, he started chewing on a very large maple tree. And, we mean large. The tree is over 60 feet tall and is approximately five feet in diameter at the base. We were amazed at the challenge this beaver was attempting. Over the winter, he would come out and chew a bit more. He had setbacks as we faced major winter storms and freezing weather. We thought that he will never chew through this tree. But sure enough, when the weather allowed, he kept coming back and would chew a bit more.

With spring finally arriving, we went down to see the beaver's progress and sure enough the tree is going to come down soon!! Our beaver has now almost completely chewed around and through the entire tree.

The beaver's original goal was survival - to build a home for the winter. Working every day with that particular focus in mind, he achieved that goal. But the large maple tree he started chewing on last fall was a future goal - he wanted the large tree for the spring, to provide new food and branches to continue damning in anticipation of the spring thaw. And, even with the setbacks he faced over the winter, he never gave up.

Our point in sharing our beaver experience with you is to remind you that sometimes we have a goal to just survive, but we also need to set goals for tomorrow. And sometimes, just surviving seems to occupy all of our time - working everyday, looking after our family, going to school, and so forth. But, if you do just a little bit when times allows, and keep focused on your future goal, you will achieve it.

It is also vitally important that when faced with setbacks in achieving a goal, you need to stay focused and not let the setbacks discourage you.

We know what it means to face setbacks along the way because we were once just like the beaver. We worked it seemed just for our survival, but we also had a future goal and we constantly kept moving forward to achieve that goal. Sometimes, though, weeks would pass before we could work on our goal again, and many times we had to deal with some sort of setback. While at times we felt we would never reach our goal, we never gave up and we never lost our focus. But, over more than 5 years, we did achieve our goal.
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If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Author Unknown
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Today
I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting in the yard and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time at work.
Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them.
I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom. I wear my good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries.
I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank.
"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now.
I'm not sure what my father would've done had he known that he wouldn't be here for the tomorrow that we all take for granted. I think he would have called family members and a few close friends.
He might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think he would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, or for whatever his favorite food was.
I'm guessing; I'll never know. It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days.
Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my wife/husband, children and parents often enough how much I truly love them.
I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is a gift from God.
~author unknown~
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Faith is believing in things when common sense tells you not to.
George Seaton

A little faith will bring your soul to Heaven, but a lot of faith will bring Heaven to your soul.
Dwight Lyman Moody
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PUT SOME FIRE IN YOUR DESIRE
by Chris Widener

One of the keys to success is staying motivated because it is being motivated that keeps us going out the door every day to change the world and reach our destiny! It is our desire for a better life, for change in us and others, and for personal growth and fulfillment that moves our mountains! Desire!

Desire sure is a word with much more richness to it than the word "want" though they are essentially the same. "Want," though, sounds like you could take it or leave it. "Desire" says, "I have to have it!" Desire, is "want" with a fire under it!

Unfortunately, we tend to ebb and flow from want to desire, even with the same goal! One day we may be passionate about building our business or growing our relationships and then, the next day, we find ourselves simply in the "want" camp again. The key to keeping on is to re-light the fire under want so it roars into a raging fire of desire! Then, and only then, will we see the passion needed to be tenacious pursuers of our dreams! Keeping the fire lit is what will see you through the mountains and valleys of life and the journey you are on to your success!

So what do we do? We light the fire! Here are a few thoughts to help you build the fire of your desire!

The wood: Keep a clear mental picture of the goal. This is imperative. The picture of the goal is like the wood in a fire. It is the raw material. Know what your goal is and what it looks like.

The fuel: Keep a list, if simply just a mental one, of all of the benefits of pursuing and reaching your goal. Make them as "sense" oriented as possible. "See" the benefits. "Hear" them. "Touch" them. This is like the fuel that we add to a fire to get it going. Now all we need is a match.

The match: Keep yourself active! This is the match: Action! Even when you don't feel like it, get yourself to act and soon you will see the fire burning because you have again ignited the dream! The more desire you have the more the fire burns.

Eventually the fire will begin to die out. Here is where you throw the wood on again, pour on some fuel, and if need be, strike another match. I would encourage you to not let the fire go out though, because it is easier to continually throw wood and fuel on an already burning fire than it is to start one up again!
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Faith is putting all your eggs in God's basket, then counting your blessings before they hatch.
Ramona C. Carroll
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Fuel for positive action

The way to deal with the negative energy of worry is to transform it into fuel for positive action. Instead of being obsessed with what might happen, put your focus on what you are doing.

When worry is the only outlet for your concerns, those concerns will grow more and more troubling. Not only does worry fail to address those concerns, it drains time and resources that could otherwise be put to productive use.

Focused, purposeful, effective action, on the other hand, points all your energy in a positive direction. And it soon creates a favorable momentum.

Because of that momentum, little annoyances and distractions that otherwise would have brought you down are transformed into compelling reasons to push forward. When you are focused on action, even the setbacks give you fuel for yet more action.

When you sense a worry on the horizon of your thoughts, stop and consider this. What positive, productive thing can you do, right here and now, that will drain the power from that worry before it ever gets to you?

Get in the habit of seeing that every concern, every possible situation, provides fuel for positive action. Use that fuel to move yourself forward, and no longer will worry be an issue.

Ralph Marston
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Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
Hebrews 11:1

"When someone does something well, applaud! You will make two people happy."

Samuel Goldwyn
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5 Cool Ideas on How Not To Be

Michael Angelo Caruso

1. Remember that no one can hurt you. In my booklet, "Hmmm....Little Ideas With BIG Results," I write that it's important to adopt a mantra of "you can't hurt me" when dealing with people. No one can hurt you because you are not vulnerable or weak. In fact, you are perfect and getting better every day.

2. Victims subconsciously seek out people who intimidate them. Contrast the attitude of feeling "perfect and getting better every day" with an attitude of feeling like a victim. Victims get up every day and look for someone to victimize them. This type of activity validates their negative self-concept and becomes a wicked, self-fulfilling prophecy.

3. An aggressive handshake may be a form of intimidation. When someone presents himself to you with an overbearing manner and aggressive handshake, you might interpret these signals as a form of intimidation. In these cases, it's important to recognize what's happening and counter with your own set of signals.

4. Expose intimidators by using predictive dialogue. One effective technique for exposing an aggressive person is to immediately acknowledge the powerful handshake. You might say something like, "Wow! That really hurt!" The tenants of predictive dialogue tell us that the other person is likely to psychologically take a step backward and maybe even apologize for hurting you.

5. You can't change people. Above all, remember that you cannot make an intimidating person less intimidating. You can, however, make it more challenging for them to be intimidating when they are with you.
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"One man has enthusiasm for 30 minutes, another for 30 days, but it is the man who has it for 30 years who makes a success of his life."

Edward B. Butler
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Sally jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: "How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?"

The surgeon said, "I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it."

Sally said, "Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?"

The surgeon asked, "Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university."

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good-bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair.

"Would you like a lock of his hair?" the nurse asked.

Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally. The mother said, "It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. "I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom." She went on, "My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could."

Sally walked out of Children's mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car. The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room. She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She laid down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Laying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:

"Dear Mom, I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say I LOVE YOU. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good-bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter. I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said for me to give you the answer to one of the questions you asked Him 'Where was He when I needed him?' "God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.

Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now. He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm, sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore. The cancer is all gone. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

~author unknown~
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People living deeply have no fear of death.

Anais Nin

"Entrepreneurship is the art of finding profitable solutions to problems."

Brian Tracy
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REAPING A MULTIPLE REWARD

by Jim Rohn

For every disciplined effort, there are multiple rewards. That's one of life's great arrangements. In fact, it's an extension of the Biblical law that says that if you sow well, you will reap well.

Here's a unique part of the Law of Sowing and Reaping. Not only does it suggest that we'll all reap what we've sown, it also suggests that we'll reap much more. Life is full of laws that both govern and explain behaviors, but this may well be the major law we need to understand: for every disciplined effort, there are multiple rewards.

What a concept! If you render unique service, your reward will be multiplied. If you're fair and honest and patient with others, your reward will be multiplied. If you give more than you expect to receive, your reward is more than you expect. But remember: the key word here, as you might well imagine, is discipline.

Everything of value requires care, attention, and discipline. Our thoughts require discipline. We must consistently determine our inner boundaries and our codes of conduct, or our thoughts will be confused. And if our thoughts are confused, we will become hopelessly lost in the maze of life. Confused thoughts produce confused results.

Remember the law: "For every disciplined effort, there are multiple rewards." Learn the discipline of writing a card or a letter to a friend. Learn the discipline of paying your bills on time, arriving to appointments on time, or using your time more effectively. Learn the discipline of paying attention, or paying your taxes or paying yourself. Learn the discipline of having regular meetings with your associates, or your spouse, or your child, or your parent. Learn the discipline of learning all you can learn, of teaching all you can teach, of reading all you can read.

For each discipline, multiple rewards. For each book, new knowledge. For each success, new ambition. For each challenge, new understanding. For each failure, new determination. Life is like that. Even the bad experiences of life provide their own special contribution. But a word of caution here for those who neglect the need for care and attention to life's disciplines: everything has its price. Everything affects everything else. Neglect discipline, and there will be a price to pay. All things of value can be taken for granted with the passing of time.

That's what we call the Law of Familiarity. Without the discipline of paying constant, daily attention, we take things for granted. Be serious. Life's not a practice session.

If you're often inclined to toss your clothes onto the chair rather than hanging them in the closet, be careful. It could suggest a lack of discipline. And remember, a lack of discipline in the small areas of life can cost you heavily in the more important areas of life. You cannot clean up your company until you learn the discipline of cleaning your own garage. You cannot be impatient with your children and be patient with your distributors or your employees. You cannot inspire others to sell more when that goal is inconsistent with your own conduct. You cannot admonish others to read good books when you don't have a library card.

Think about your life at this moment. What areas need attention right now? Perhaps you've had a disagreement with someone you love or someone who loves you, and your anger won't allow you to speak to that person. Wouldn't this be an ideal time to examine your need for a new discipline? Perhaps you're on the brink of giving up, or starting over, or starting out. And the only missing ingredient to your incredible success story in the future is a new and self-imposed discipline that will make you try harder and work more intensely than you ever thought you could.

The most valuable form of discipline is the one that you impose upon yourself. Don't wait for things to deteriorate so drastically that someone else must impose discipline in your life. Wouldn't that be tragic? How could you possibly explain the fact that someone else thought more of you than you thought of yourself? That they forced you to get up early and get out into the marketplace when you would have been content to let success go to someone else who cared more about themselves.

Your life, my life, the life of each one of us is going to serve as either a warning or an example. A warning of the consequences of neglect, self-pity, lack of direction and ambition... or an example of talent put to use, of discipline self-imposed, and of objectives clearly perceived and intensely pursued.

To Your Success,

Jim Rohn
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"When everyone is looking for gold, it's a good time to be in the pick and shovel business."

Mark Twain
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Grow into the challenges

When a new challenge arises, you might think that you need to first acquire some new skill or knowledge or resource in order to deal with that challenge. Yet in every case, you can begin with something you already have, and then steadily grow into the challenge. Along the way you will most certainly acquire new skills, develop new knowledge, gain access to new resources. That is a big part of the value of challenge.

Yet the best starting point is where you are. The sooner you begin, the sooner you will grow strong enough to move successfully through whatever challenge you face.

There is a path that leads directly to the most positive outcome you can imagine. And the first step on that path is right in front of you.

No matter how imposing the challenge, no matter how ambitious the goal, you have what is necessary to take the first step. And once you're on your way, you'll find and develop what you need to continue.

Move confidently forward in the direction you know you must go. Start with what you have, and you'll grow into whatever you need.

Ralph Marston
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"Kids ought to have two bicycles, one to ride and one to rent."

Jim Rohn

"Love the moment and the energy of the moment will spread beyond all boundaries."

Corita Kent
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A rolled-up ball of yarn does not take up much space--it sits, ready to be used when needed. It gets unrolled a little bit at a time--just as much as is needed and no more. But a ball of yarn that gets unraveled can be strewn across an entire room. It becomes a jumbled mass, entangled and confusing. When we live our lives a day at a time, we are like that rolled-up ball of yarn. Our thoughts, feelings, and skills are ready to be used as they are needed. But when we worry, our spirit becomes a jumbled mass of yarn. We get ahead of and behind ourselves--our thoughts are scattered and often our feelings are confused. Worry adds clutter and confusion to life. What is most helpful is to put the worry away--to roll up the ball of yarn and bring ourselves into the present moment. In this way, we stand ready for each new stitch--and we will never be given more than we are able to handle.
Hazelden Foundation
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"Your mental energy is limited by your physical energy. How do you develop more energy of all kinds? You start by putting your body in top physical condition. Unless you do that, all your other activities won't help much--you'll be stuck with the mental and emotional energy that you have now."

Tom Hopkins
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There is widespread and persistent goodness in this world. There is so much in fact that we take it for granted all too often. Certainly there are dangers and challenges to be considered on a daily basis. We cannot ignore them. We must stay ever vigilant and mindful of their presence. And yet for the most part, life is awash with positive possibilities, many of which are manifest day after day after glorious day.

The bad things make the news precisely because they are so out of the ordinary. The good things are so thoroughly ingrained in our lives that we sometimes barely notice them.

Yet that goodness persists, even in the face of extreme challenges. The more you appreciate all the good things in your life, the more strength you'll have to overcome even the most difficult of those challenges.

Don't just count your blessings. Live your blessings today, tomorrow, in every moment and in every situation. Honor and respect the very real, the very powerful goodness in your life and in your world by making the best of everything that comes your way.

Ralph Marston
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"Success… My nomination for the single most important ingredient is energy will directed." Louis Lundborg

"Anybody can become angry - that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way -- that is not within everybody's power and is not easy."

Aristotle
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Pretty Please

(With Sugar on Top)

My daughter Kelsey isn't quite four yet. She is a wonderful girl and I love her dearly. She is, however, sometimes, a little bossy. With a demanding tone she will declare what will happen next. With emphasis she will tell me what to do. These aren't behaviors her mother and I want to become habits. Not only that, but they just don't sit very well with me!

Thankfully, others have told us that when she is with them, she is very polite and well mannered. This is a relief, but doesn't reduce our angst about her behavior. Last week, as a way to positively reinforce the behaviors we are looking for, I tried something new.

Word of the Week

Last week, I declared that "Please" was the "Word of the Week." My intent was to remind all of us in the house of the importance of using the word please. I vowed in the presence of Parker (age 9) and Kelsey that I would be reminding them of the word, that they would be praised for using it, and that I was going to work on using it more as well.

I was proud of my idea, and the approach did raise awareness somewhat, but can you guess what the "Word of the Week" is this week? (Yep, it is still please!) So we are making progress, but we aren't there yet. All of us can improve-the 39 year old and 3 year alike.

An Early Lesson

Saying "please" and "thank you" are two of the first phrases we teach children. We do this because they are important phrases that represent basic values. I recently wrote an essay about "thank you," and now I find myself focusing on "please." Perhaps I'm a slow learner if I'm still trying to learn these "childhood lessons."

I can remember when Parker was little, taking him to visit his great grandparents the first time after he could talk. One of the last things I told him before we went inside was, "Remember to say please." In some odd way, Parker saying "please" was supposed to prove I was doing my job as a parent. Perhaps you haven't felt that feeling, but I am sure you have seen praise lavished on little ones when they've said "please." "Please" is definitely an early lesson engrained in all of us.

The Importance of Asking

"Ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; he who knocks, the door will be opened." - Matthew 7:7-8

You have to ask in order to receive. Without asking, you cannot get. This profound truth can be stated in a variety of ways, but the different words don't change the message. Being willing to ask is important to our development, our comfort, and to reaching our goals, both large and small.

When we are teaching children about saying "please" it is in the context of asking. We don't just say please, we add the word to some sort of request. We tell them that saying please is the nice thing to do. We are really trying to teach them that it is more polite, more socially acceptable to say "please" than to simply demand that their wish is granted.

Adding the Sugar

Asking with a "please" makes any request a bit easier to receive, it is like putting a little sugar with the request. Maybe that is why when we are little, and we REALLY want something we embellish "please" to something like the title of this essay. We learn that the "verbal sugar" of "please" can help us, just like Mary Poppins taught us about taking medicine-"A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down, in the most delightful way."

So we are teaching children that "please" is not only the nice thing to do, but also that it will probably help us get what we ask for. (Have you ever withheld something from a child until they said the magic word of please?)

More than a Word

Yes, I am trying to teach my children to use the word, but beyond the vocabulary lesson, I want them to learn the attitude of graciousness. It goes beyond being polite. It goes beyond being pragmatic. Saying "please" is both of those things, and important for both reasons. But beyond that, when we say "please" in a spirit of gratefulness and with the willingness to offer help in return, then we are not only being polite and pragmatic, but authentic, genuine, and communicating with another person at a "heart level", rather than "head level."

Final Thoughts

The practice and attitude of saying "please" is a powerful one. That is why we teach it so early. I urge you to think about your habits and attitudes around this important phrase. Ask yourself the following questions. How consistently do I use "please?" How often do I type it in an email or letter? How consistently do I include "please" in requests to those closest to me?

Will you take the time to think about these things today, please?

Yours in Learning,

Kevin Eikenberry
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"Dreams are simply the emotions of the heart that have been painted into words..."

Doug Firebaugh
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Enjoy Being You

Rather than chasing after what you don't have, use your energy to more fully express what you do have. Instead of striving to be someone you are not, instead of conforming yourself to the world's idea of success, create and live your own definition of success.

Be who you are.

That's where your most valuable treasure is.

Set free that beautiful, worthy person inside of you. Free yourself from worrying about what others might think, or say, or do. Instead, focus on being the best, most authentic manifestation of you that you can possibly be.

You are complete and whole right now. There is no need to prove anything to anyone. There is no need to wait for happiness or fulfillment. They are yours when you decide to live them. This is your moment in which to live with all the richness you can imagine.

Enjoy being you, right now. There is so much you have to contribute, just by living the one-of-a-kind life that is your destiny. It's more than OK to be you. It's the very best and most genuinely fulfilling thing you can do. Enjoy giving your own special gifts to life, and lift yourself up along with the world around you.

Author Unknown
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"You are 100% emotional in everything you think, feel and decide. You decide emotionally and justify logically."

Brian Tracy

Teach our children to have faith in humanity and to know the dignity of all human beings. Reaffirm America's basic belief that all people are created equal - that we all are children of the Universe. There is no nonsense about that – it is universally obvious and fundamentally American.

Everett Woodman
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JUST PUT ME ON THE AIR

by Ron White

It was May 2000 and I was in the seminar business and discouraged. His name was Mr. Palmer and he was a 75 year old wealthy real estate mogul and my mentor.

"Mr. Palmer, I am so down. I have made some many mistakes and my business is in pieces."

"Ron, I make mistake everyday...because I Do Something everyday." I looked up from my drink and saw Mr. Palmer smiling. He then asked, "Do you follow me?"

I did. Loud and clear. He was saying, "Who cares if you made some mistakes. Mistakes only signify action and that is much better than inaction." It was barely 12 months later and I knew I could break a memory record in the Guinness Book of World Records. It was set by a man who memorized 27 numbers in 1 minute and 21 seconds. I knew I could beat that. Although, I never had. I persuaded FOX television to let me attempt it on live television.

My best friend Brian helped me practice all week. He would call out 28 random numbers and at the same time he held a stopwatch and clocked me. Not once did I get it right. It was very frustrating.

Brian asked me, "You do realize you are going on FOX this week and you have never gotten this right. Are you sure you want to do this? It is live TV." "I will get it right when it counts." I said, nervously hoping I was right. The day before the show aired the FOX producers had me come to the studio to practice and I didn't get it right then either. The producers looked at me and said, "You don't have to go on tomorrow, if this is something you can't do." My response without hesitation was, "Just put me on the air." She sighed and shook her head as if I was about to bring down the entire FOX network if I failed. What the producers didn't understand is that I now lived my life by the Mr. Palmer philosophy and that philosophy says, "Who Cares!"

March 1, 2001 the FOX hosts read out 28 digits and I nailed it with 6 seconds to spare! I had never gotten it right, however when it was clutch I nailed it! In baseball terms it was the bottom of the ninth, the bases were loaded, down by three runs with two strikes and I knocked it out of the park. The amazing thing is that I had never done it before!

My friends, family, neighbors and the bank teller all high-fived me that day. Five years later, I still get speaking engagements because of that 1 minute and 15 seconds of my life.

If I had given into inaction and fear, I wouldn't have much of the income that I do today. And if I had failed, according to Mr. Palmer... "Who Cares!!"

This "Who Cares!!" philosophy that I learned from Mr. Palmer, not only causes me to risk in my life. It also makes me a fun speaker. I am not on the platform wondering what everyone thinks. I am having a Blast and it comes through. And you know what? People buy into what I am saying because they can tell it is really me and not a phony persona. However, they only see that because I believe in the "Who Cares!!" philosophy of Mr. Palmer.

I encourage you to live your life by the "Who Cares!!" philosophy and be willing to make a fool out of yourself (even if it means on live television in front of the world). If you are willing to do that...I can guarantee you massive success even if you fail in your initial goal.
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The thoughts that come often unsought, and, as it were, drop into the mind, are commonly the most valuable of any we have.

John Locke
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"Inner Strength is Just a Decision Away"

You probably can think of someone whom you admire and respect. Perhaps you admire her ambition to learn new skills or her perserveranceto overcome difficulties and hardships. Why can't that person be you?

It can and the key is willpower and self-discipline. You have it in you even if you don't think so.

Each one of us is confronted and tempted by an endless stream of temptations, many of which aren't that important. When you learn to refuse to satisfy all of them, and choosing only to satisfy those that are in line with your priorities you sharpen your willpower and strengthen your self-discipline.

Try it. You'll quickly become the woman to admire!

~Meditations for Women~
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"You are the only person on earth who can use your ability."

Zig Ziglar

"How do you build a bridge between age 12 and age 40? By remembering."

Jim Rohn
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CENTER ON PRINCIPLES

by Stephen R. Covey

Real character development begins with the humble recognition that we are not in charge, that principles ultimately govern. I don't talk much about ethics and values because to me those words imply situational behaviors, subjective beliefs, social mores, cultural norms, or relative truths. I prefer to talk about universal principles and natural laws that are more absolute. You may think that it's just a matter of semantics and that when most people talk about values they really mean these universal principles.

But I see a clear difference between principles and values. Hitler was value-driven; Saddam Hussein was value-driven. Every person and organization is driven by what they value. But they aren't necessarily ethical or principle-centered.

The Humility of Principles

The key to quality of life is to be centered on principles. We're not in control; principles are in control. We're arrogant when we think we are in control. Yes, we may control our actions, but not the consequences of our actions. Those are controlled by principles, by natural laws.

Building character and creating quality of life is a function of aligning our beliefs and behaviors with universal principles. These principles are impersonal, external, factual, objective, and self-evident. They operate regardless of our awareness of them, or our obedience to them. If your current lifestyle is not in alignment with these principles, then you might trade a value-based map for a principle-centered compass. When you recognize that external verities and realities ultimately govern, you might willingly subordinate your values to them and align your roles and goals, plans, and activities with them. But doing so often takes a crisis: your company's downsizing; your job's on the line; your relationship with the boss goes sour; you lose a major account; your marriage is threatened; your financial problems peak; or you're told you have just a few months to live. In the absence of such a catalytic crisis, we tend to live in numbed complacency so busy doing good, easy, or routine things that we don't even stop to ask ourselves if we're doing what really matters. The good, then, becomes the enemy of the best.

Humility is the mother of all virtues: the humble in spirit progress and are blessed because they willingly submit to higher powers and try to live in harmony with natural laws and universal principles. Courage is the father of all virtues: we need great courage to lead our lives by correct principles and to have integrity in the moment of choice. When we set up our own self-generated or socially-validated value systems and then develop our missions and goals based on what we value, we tend to become laws unto ourselves, proud and independent. Pride hopes to impress; humility seeks to bless.

Just because we value a thing doesn't mean that having it will enhance our quality of life. No "quality movement" in government, business, or education will succeed unless based on "true north" principles. And yet we see leaders who cling to their current style based on self-selected values and bad habits even as their "ship" is sinking when they could be floating safely on the life raft of principles. Nothing sinks people faster in their careers than arrogance.

Arrogance shouts "I know best." In the uniform of arrogance, we fumble and falter pride comes and goes before the fall. But dressed in humility, we make progress. As the character Indiana Jones learned in The Last Crusade, "The penitent man will pass." In pride, we often sow one thing and expect to reap another. Many of our paradigms and the processes and habits that grow out of them never produce the results we expect because they are based on illusions, advertising slogans, program-of-the-month training, and personality-based success strategies. Quality of life can't grow out of illusion. So how do we align our lives with "true north" realities that govern quality of life?

Four Human Endowments

As human beings, we have four unique endowments: self-awareness, conscience, independent will, and creative imagination that not only separate us from the animal world, but also help us to distinguish between reality and illusion, to transform the clock into a compass, and to align our lives with the extrinsic realities that govern quality of life. Self-awareness enables us to examine our paradigms, to look at our glasses as well as through them, to think about our thoughts, to become aware of the psychic programs that are in us, and to enlarge the separation between stimulus and response.

Self-aware, we can take responsibility for reprogramming or re-scripting ourselves out of the stimulus-response mode. Many movements in psychology, education, and training are focused on an enlarged self-consciousness. Most popular self-help literature also focuses upon this capacity. Self-awareness, however, is only one of our unique endowments.

Conscience puts us in touch with something within us even deeper than our thoughts and something outside us more reliable than our values. It connects us with the wisdom of the ages and the wisdom of the heart. It's an internal guidance system that allows us to sense when we act or even contemplate acting in a way that's contrary to our deepest values and "true north" principles. Conscience is universal. By helping companies and individuals develop mission statements, I have learned that what is most personal is most general. No matter what people's religions, cultures, or backgrounds are, their mission statements all deal with the same basic human needs to live (physical and financial), to love (social), to learn (educational), and to leave a legacy (spiritual).

Independent will is our capacity to act, the power to transcend our paradigms, to swim upstream, to re-write our scripts, to act based on principles rather than reacting based on emotions, moods, or circumstances. While environmental or genetic influences may be very powerful, they do not control us. We're not victims. We're not the product of our past. We are the product of our choices. We are "response-able," meaning we are able to choose our response. This power to choose is a reflection of our independent will.

Creative imagination empowers us to create beyond our present reality. It enables us to write personal mission statements, set goals, plan meetings, or visualize ourselves living our mission statements even in the most challenging circumstances. We can imagine any scenario we want for the future. If our imagination has to go through the straightjacket of our memory, what is imagination for? Memory is limited. It's finite; it deals with the past. Imagination is infinite; it deals with the present and the future, with potentiality, with vision and mission and goals with anything that is not now but can be. The man-on-the-street approach to success is to work harder, to give it the "old college try." But unless willpower is matched with creative imagination, these efforts will be weak and ineffective.

Nurturing Our Unique Gifts

Enhancing these endowments requires us to nurture and exercise them continuously. Sharpening the saw once a week or once a month just isn't enough. It's too superficial. It's like a meal. Yesterday's meal will not satisfy today's hunger. Last Sunday's big meal won't prepare me for this Thursday's ethical challenge. I will be much better prepared if I meditate every morning and visualize myself dealing with that challenge with authenticity, openness, honesty, and with as much wisdom as I can bring to bear on it.

Here are four ways to nurture your unique endowments.

Nurture self-awareness by keeping a personal journal. Keeping a personal journal a daily in-depth analysis and evaluation of your experiences is a high-leverage activity that increases self-awareness and enhances all the endowments and the synergy among them.

Educate your conscience by learning, listening, and responding. Most of us work and live in environments that are rather hostile to the development of conscience. To hear the conscience clearly often requires us to be reflective or meditative a condition we rarely choose or find. We're inundated by activity, noise, conditioning, media messages, and flawed paradigms that dull our sensitivity to that quiet inner voice that would teach us of "true north" principles and our own degree of congruency with them. I've heard executives say that they can't win this battle of conscience because expediencies require lies, cover-ups, deceit, or game playing. That's just part of the job, they say. I disagree. I think such rationalization undermines trust within their cultures. If you have back-room manipulation and bad mouthing, you will have a low-trust culture.

A life of total integrity is the only one worth striving for. Granted, it's a struggle. Some trusted advisors, PR agents, accountants, legal counselors might say, "This will be political suicide," or "This will be bad for our image, and so let's cover up or lie." You have to look at each case on its own merit. No case is black and white.

It takes real judgment to know what you should do. You may feel that you operate "between a rock and a hard place." Still, with a well-educated conscience or internal compass, you will rarely, if ever, be in a situation where you only have one bad option. You will always have choices. If you wisely exercise your unique endowments, some moral option will be open to you.

So much depends on how well you educate your conscience, your internal compass. When my kids were in athletics, they paid the price to get their bodies coordinated with their minds. You've got to do the same with your own conscience regularly. The more internal uncertainty you feel, the larger the grey areas will be. You will always have some grey areas, particularly at the extremity of your education and experience. And to grow, you need to go to that extremity and learn to make those choices based on what you honestly believe to be the right thing to do.

Nurture independent will by making and keeping promises. One of the best ways to strengthen our independent will is to make and keep promises. Each time we do, we make deposits in our personal integrity account the amount of trust we have in ourselves, in our ability to walk our talk. To build personal integrity, start by making and keeping small promises. Take it a step and a day at a time.

Develop creative imagination through visualization. Visualization, a high-leverage mental exercise used by world-class athletes and performers, may also be used to improve your quality of life. For example, you might visualize yourself in some circumstance that would normally create discomfort or pain. In your mind's eye, instead of seeing yourself react as you normally do, see yourself acting on the basis of the principles and values in your mission statement. The best way to predict your future is to create it.

Roots Yield Fruits

With the humility that comes from being principle-centered, we can better learn from the past, have hope for the future, and act with confidence, not arrogance, in the present. Arrogance is the lack of self-awareness; blindness; an illusion; a false form of self-confidence; and a false sense that we're somehow above the laws of life. Real confidence is anchored in a quiet assurance that if we act based on principles, we will produce quality-of-life results. It's confidence born of character and competence. Our security is not based on our possessions, positions, credentials, or on comparisons with others; rather, it flows from our own integrity to "true north" principles.

I confess that I struggle with total integrity and do not always "walk my talk." I find that it's easier to talk and teach than to practice what I preach. I've come to realize that I must commit to having total integrity to be intre, their mission statements all deal with the same basic human needs to live (physical and financial), to love (social), to learn (educational), and to leave a legacy (spiritual).

Independent will is our capacity to act, the power to transcend our paradigms, to swim upstream, to re-write our scripts, to act based on principles rather than reacting based on emotions, moods, or circumstances. While environmental or genetic influences may be very powerful, they do not control us. We're not victims. We're not the product of our past. We are the product of our choices. We are "response-able," meaning we are able to choose our response. This power to choose is a reflection of our independent will.

Creative imagination empowers us to create beyond our present reality. It enables us to write personal mission statements, set goals, plan meetings, or visualize ourselves living our mission statements even in the most challenging circumstances. We can imagine any scenario we want for the future. If our imagination has to go through the straightjacket of our memory, what is imagination for? Memory is limited. It's finite; it deals with the past. Imagination is infinite; it deals with the present and the future, with potentiality, with vision and mission and goals with anything that is not now but can be. The man-on-the-street approach to success is to work harder, to give it the "old college try." But unless willpower is matched with creative imagination, these efforts will be weak and ineffective.
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"We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.

Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Standing for what you believe in,
Regardless of the odds against you,
and the pressure that tears at your resistance,
...means courage
Keeping a smile on your face,
When inside you feel like dying,
For the sake of supporting others,
...means strength

Stopping at nothing,
And doing what's in your heart,
You know is right,
...means determination
Doing more than is expected,
To make another's life a little more bearable,
Without uttering a single complaint,
...means compassion

Helping a friend in need,
No matter the time or effort,
To the best of your ability,
...means loyalty
Giving more than you have,
And expecting nothing
But nothing in return,
...means selflessness
Holding your head high,
And being the best you know you can be
When life seems to fall apart at your feet,
Facing each difficulty with the confidence
That time will bring you better tomorrow's,
And never giving up,
...means confidence.
~author unknown~
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"Few things in the world are more powerful than a positive push - a smile. A word of optimism and hope, a 'you can do it!' when things are tough."

Richard De Vos

so it's been a while since i added to this blog, i promise i will try and do better this month!

we spent a weekend in texas at a henry family reunion, then lynn's daughter Jessica and her husband Brandon came and spent the week of the 4th with us. we had SO much fun going to a waterpark and fixing and eating barbeque, and discovering ACRES of fresh blackberries we have been picking out on the back of our property. life is good!

"Desire is the key to motivation, but it's the determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal – a commitment to excellence – that will enable you to attain the success you seek."

Mario Andretti
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"Cats, Kids, Cults and Katrina - A Lesson in Compliance"

by Blair Warren

My cat loves to sleep on my chest. She'll stay there for hours unless I put my hands on her as if I'm holding her down. If I do that, she'll growl, squirm and eventually leave.

My son will be starting high school next year at his favorite school in our city. I recently asked him where a friend of his would be going to school. He said she lived on the border between two districts and could choose between two different schools. Then he said, "I wish I had a choice." "But I thought you wanted to go to MacArthur High School." "I do," he said. "I just wish I had a choice."

Years ago I attended an introductory seminar put on by a cult-like organization. The first hour was devoted to asking each attendee one question: why are you here? People said things such as: "I'm here because a friend recommended it." "I've heard good things about your organization." "I saw what you did for a co-worker and I wanted to learn more." None of these answers were sufficient. They would accept only one answer: "I am here because I choose to be here." People who did not ultimately agree with that statement were asked to leave.

In the wake of Hurricane Katrina, our family, like many others, reached out and offered assistance. A few days later, I watched an interview with one of Katrina's victims. She was understandably shaken and upset. Eventually, she started complaining that people weren't doing enough to help. She said the government and the people in the rest of the country were practically ignoring them.

While I still felt compassion for her, I also felt a touch of anger and resentment. We had helped and were planning to do more. Now, I wasn't so sure. Later, I saw an interview with another of Katrina's victims. She, too, was shaken and upset. But as the interview was ending, this woman begged the news anchor if she could say just one more thing. He agreed.

She turned to the camera with tears in her eyes and thanked everyone who was helping the people of New Orleans. She said she realized they didn't have to do that and that she was overwhelmed with all the support she and her family were receiving. I immediately wrote another check.

Why have I shared these stories with you? Because within each is an incredibly powerful insight into persuasion. An insight that is too often overlooked. Think about it: My cat didn't want to leave. My cat wanted to be able to leave.

My son doesn't want to go to another high school. He just wishes he had the choice to do so.

Cults realize that commitments made in the context of choice are deeper and more durable than those made under pressure. By having attendees make a conscious choice to be in the room, they ensure that those who stay for the introduction are more likely to stay for the indoctrination.

I wanted to give to the victims of Hurricane Katrina. But I wanted to do so freely. The moment I was made to feel guilty and told I had to do more, I shut down. But the moment I was thanked for my previous efforts and assured that I didn't have to do what I had already done, I wanted to do more. And I did.

In our quest to gain compliance, we would be wise to remember that sometimes the best way to get people to do things is to remind them that they don't have to.
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"Commitment doesn't guarantee success, but lack of commitment guarantees you'll fall far short of your potential."

Denis Waitley
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Whatever you choose

Any day can be special when you decide that it is. Any place can be special when you make it so. The smallest, most ordinary moments can bring the biggest, most extraordinary rewards to your life. It's all a matter of what you make of those moments.

The day can be bright whether the sun is shining or not. For you can choose to make it so.

The only thing that happiness requires is a choice. It is a choice that can be made anytime, at any place.

There's no need to wait for conditions to be perfect. You can fashion a perfectly wonderful moment out of whatever conditions you come upon.

Go ahead and see what you can make out of this very moment, this very day. You'll see that it is whatever you choose.

Ralph Marston
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"A decision is made with the brain. A commitment is made with the heart. Therefore, a commitment is much deeper and more binding than a decision."

Nido Qubein

"Winners take time to relish their work, knowing that scaling the mountain is what makes the view from the top so exhilarating."

Denis Waitley
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ACCEPTING REJECTION

Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

Most people tend to wilt when they are confronted with rejection. Rejection makes them feel afraid or angry, worthless or shameful, self-critical or self-deprecating. People who experience accepting rejection often remain shy, withdrawn in social situations, and feeling inferior (or "less than") to other people.

Most of us learn how to cope with rejection when we are very young. At that time we are still dependent on others for our survival and for fulfilling most of our needs. We are dependent on others whenever we are unable to cope with life on our own, unable to adequately meet our own needs, unable to solve problems effectively, and unable to protect ourselves from threats. When we are dependent, rejection is a genuine threat to our well-being. Under those conditions of dependency, it is very appropriate to feel afraid, angry, or helpless when rejected.

Having assumed enough responsibility for their self-care and self-protection to adequately function independently, adults may still experience those same old feelings when other people reject them. When others tell them "no," remove themselves from the relationship, tell them they're fired, or otherwise reject them, they still feel those archaic emotions they felt as a child.

Learning to accept rejection may be a difficult process. It is a skill most of us must relearn after we are adults. Like all new skills, it requires new definitions, new ways of thinking about events and new behaviors to practice.

One hint about learning to accept rejection is: acknowledge that rejection is a natural part of the human decision-making process. When someone wants to make a decision of importance, s/he would do well to seek out many possible solutions and reject most of them; seek out lots of advice and reject most of it; or learn many points of view and reject most of them. Rejecting alternatives narrows the field of possibilities to one or two options. It makes decisions more accurate and less cumbersome.

Rejection increases the value of any given accepted alternative. When car-shopping, if you buy the first one you see, you value it less than if you have looked over 30 different automobiles and rejected 29 of them, and purchased the one for you. After you have rejected the 29, you will value more highly the one you finally buy.

When you remember the above processes, creatively coping with rejection becomes easier. If you realize that when most people say "no" to you, they are actually in the decision-making mode, and they are attempting to narrow the field. Their decision-making process is not under your control. They have free choice the same as you. Some sales people think that many decision makers feel compelled to say "no" at least eight times before they feel comfortable saying "yes." The sooner they get past the first eight "no's" the sooner they will feel free to say "yes."

In order to learn to accept rejection more easily, the most crucial distinctions you can make are between "rejection" and "refusal" and between rejecting of the person vs. rejecting their behavior. You need to be clear about interpreting as personal rejection merely the refusal of what you may be offering or wanting. You may need to realize that when others say "no" to you in some manner, they may be rejecting your current behavior and not you as a person. Most often others reject what we want from them or what we are doing, rather than rejecting us...the persons we are.

Not taking rejection personally is the key element in learning how to accept rejection. Certainly that is easier said than done, but with practice, we can all learn it.
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"Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like."

Will Smith
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Confidence

Confidence comes easily and naturally for some, for many others it seems impossible. The good news is that it is a habit that can be learned by anyone. It will take some degree of training, and practice, but who would deny it's worth?

"The control of the thinking machine is perfectly possible. And since nothing whatever happens to us outside our own brain; since nothing hurts us or gives us pleasure except within the brain, the supreme importance of being able to control what goes on in that mysterious brain is patent. Without the power to dictate to the brain its task and to ensure obedience - true life is impossible." - Arnold Bennett (1867-1931)

Using autosuggestion, by repeatedly filling the mind with positive and pleasant thoughts, can result in a profound positive outcome. Picture in your mind, as vividly as possible, a scene in which you are performing very successfully. Picture this again and again so that your mind is totally occupied with confidence. This will push out the doubt, as there is no room for both. Every time a negative thought pops up, immediately replace it with the pleasant success thought.

Affirmations are a similar technique that can work wonders. This is the repeating of positive words about yourself, concerning what you wish to do. The words cram the mind with confident thoughts that have a direct effect on how you act. As an example, if you have to make a presentation - "I am doing everything slowly, calmly, surely. I am relaxed and breathing deeply and easily. I feel confident about this. I am in control. I have nothing to lose. They like me. I feel good and I am comfortable with these people. I am concentrating on them, not on myself. They are here because they want to be."

"They can because they think they can."

- Vergil (BC)Ken McIsaac
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"That man is richest whose pleasures are the cheapest."

Henry David Thoreau

"The substance of your communication is the response it generates."
Tony Jeary
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The Lessons of 100

This is the 100th Vantagepoints essay I will write and publish. It is also the last essay that will be included in my first book. In preparing to write this essay and in preparing the book for publication, I have read the other 99 essays in a relatively short period of time. One would hope that this 100th essay would be significantly better than the first one I wrote.

I mean, if I shoot 100 free throws, or repeat the Gettysburg Address 100 times, or practice saying Happy Birthday in French 100 times, I would expect to be better at those things at the end of those repetitions than when I started.

I believe that this is true of my writing. I am a better writer now than when I started (whew!).

Beyond the individual lessons I have written about in each essay, there are other things I have learned through this writing journey, and it seems fitting to share them with you. I don't share them to gloat, as in "see what I've learned." I share them because I believe you can learn from my lessons (which is part of what Vantagepoints is about) and I share them because in reflecting on and writing about them, the lessons become more a part of me (which is another part of what Vantagepoints is about).

Everyday

The subtitle of the book is "Finding Learning Opportunities in Everyday Life Situations." I have learned that there are lessons for us everyday. In order to find those lessons, we must expect them, which demands that we keep our eyes, ears and minds open for them. Too many of us on too many days, move from morning to night, from meeting to meeting or task to task, completing the routine of life as if it is only that; a routine.

Like the parent who asks their children at the end of a school day, "What did you learn today?", we must ask ourselves this question. We expect learning opportunities for the kids each day - that is why they are in school after all. It is the same for us. As human learning beings, the reason we live each day is in part to learn.

I have found that the opportunities for us to learn are all around us in both the unique experiences, and in the normal route we drive each morning or the way we make our coffee.

The lessons are waiting for us around every corner and in every conversation. Everyday.

Reflection

While looking for the lessons is a necessary first step, it isn't enough. We must take time to reflect on those experiences. Without open eyes and ears we don't have experiences to reflect on, but without time to analyze and think about those experiences, we won't harvest the rich lessons available to us.

A military unit debriefs events after a mission. A sports team watches the game film. A skilled trainer asks people a well developed series of questions after any learning experience. Why? Because they know that by reviewing the experience, there is a chance to learn from that experience, gain more knowledge from it, and be more successful or productive in the future.

This is what we must do. We must reflect on our experiences in order to gain the most from them.

Writing 100 of these essays has forced me to reflect - after all, I needed to find something to write about each month. What I have learned over the years though is that reflection, like any other skill, develops with practice.

In the quiet moments of your day, think about your recent experiences. Ask yourself what went well, how you were surprised, and what was different. Ask yourself how those experiences relate to other recent experiences and what you can learn from the combinations. Then ask the most important question - what will you do differently, with your new knowledge and understanding.

Retelling Stories

Stories are powerful ways to share a message. That is why we watch movies and read novels. That is why the stories I tell during a speech are among the most powerful things I can do. Hearing or reading someone else's story can be very useful. It can engage us, prompt us, and teach us.

But this isn't my lesson.

Yes, stories are powerful. But the most powerful stories are the stories we tell. In telling our stories we are reflecting on our lessons. By telling our stories we understand them better than we did before we told them.

It is what I have now done 100 times. Experienced something(s), reflected on the experience, found some lessons, and told the story. Each link in this learning chain is helpful, but the telling of the story completes the loop. They typically make a lot of sense in my head, but until I tell them (in my case write them) the lessons often are vague and disconnected.

Something magical happens when we talk about a concept - we begin to solidify our understanding and truly make sense of what has been in our heads.

I have learned that stories aren't just powerful to read or hear, they are powerful to tell.

Action

The theme and lesson that comes through most of these essays is "take action." Nothing happens until we take action.

I have ended each essay by encouraging you to do something. Through my example, I hope you have taken my advice (more than once). But I can't take the action for you.

There are two things I know for sure. You maximize the value of what you learn by putting it into action. And no one can do that for you.

Your lessons await you, and I urge you to discover them. Take the time to think through your experiences and create stories to help you make the learning more concrete and real. Most of all, take what you have learned and put it into action.

When I do those things I am most successful.

When you do those things you will be most successful too.

Life is happening all around you. The learning awaits.

Yours in Learning,

Kevin Eikenberry
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"Today's audiences are stimulation junkies with short attention spans."

Patricia Fripp
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The Touchstone

When the great library of Alexandria burned, the story goes, one book was saved. But it was not a valuable book; and so a poor man, who could read a little, bought it for a few coppers. The book wasn't very interesting, but between its pages there was something very interesting indeed. It was a thin strip of vellum on which was written the secret of the "Touchstone"!

The touchstone was a small pebble that could turn any common metal into pure gold. The writing explained that it was lying among thousands and thousands of other pebbles that looked exactly like it. But the secret was this: The real stone would feel warm, while ordinary pebbles are cold.

So the man sold his few belongings, bought some simple supplies, camped on the seashore, and began testing pebbles.

He knew that if he picked up ordinary pebbles and threw them down again because they were cold, he might pick up the same pebble hundreds of times. So, when he felt one that was cold, he threw it into the sea. He spent a whole day doing this but none of them was the touchstone. Yet he went on and on this way. Pick up a pebble. Cold - throw it into the sea. Pick up another. Throw it into the sea.

The days stretched into weeks and the weeks into months. One day, however, about midafternoon, he picked up a pebble and it was warm. He threw it into the sea before he realized what he had done. He had formed such a strong habit of throwing each pebble into the sea that when the one he wanted came along, he still threw it away.

So it is with opportunity. Unless we are vigilant, it's asy to fail to recognize an opportunity when it is in hand and it's just as easy to throw it away.

Author Unknown
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"Accept complete responsibility both for understanding and for being understood."

Brian Tracy