"The secret of joy is contained in one word--excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it. "
Pearl S. Buck
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LIFE WOULD BE EASY...IF IT WEREN'T FOR NON-ASSERTIVE PEOPLE
by Connie Podesta

All right. You're tired of playing their game. You finally realize that those difficult people in your life are not going to change just because you want them to be different. You've decided to refuse to play your part in the dysfunctional relationship(s) by choosing to be assertive. Now what?

Healthy communication is the ability to let others know your needs, concerns and feelings in an open and honest way without gimmicks, threats, manipulation or hidden agendas. There's no doubt that the assertive communication style is the only way to effectively deal with the difficult people in our lives.

The Assertive Personality - Open, Honest and Direct

When we are assertive we choose to handle ourselves, our reactions, our relationships, and stressful situations in a healthy, responsible, and non-manipulative manner. We understand that we have choices. Remember that you will be treated exactly as you feel you deserve to be treated.

Communication is a learned skill. We must model assertive communication to our children so they can learn to handle conflict and sustain healthy relationships. Assertive people ask questions, seek answers, look at all points of view, and engage in meaningful, open-ended dialogue without anger, hurt feelings or defensiveness. Does that sound like the typical exchange today?

We see examples of non-assertive communication everyday (media, talk shows, news, politics, etc.). In fact most problem-solving models are not effective in the long run. For example, if two employees cannot seem to work together, they're rescheduled or reassigned to different shifts, floors or departments to avoid having them work together. The message is clear: do not confront, mediate, or learn to communicate; simply separate and avoid the problem. Is it any wonder that the divorce rate is so high?

Our children are encouraged to be passive. When children ask "Why?", they're often given the pat response, "Because I'm your parent (or teacher) and I said so!" There are times when a child needs to immediately follow direct instructions; but there are many missed opportunities for our children to learn to respectfully participate in discussions that affect their lives.

Take Charge!

Regardless of our diverse histories, each of us is responsible for our present behavior. If we want to neutralize difficult people, we must commit to communicating assertively. Warning! Difficult people will not like being treated assertively - at first.

Difficult people only respect people who have the confidence to stand up for themselves. Assertiveness is their biggest enemy. It signals that you have figured them out and will no longer be swayed by their manipulations. Things may get worse before they get better!

Be prepared for some trying times with the difficult person when you first become assertive. For instance, asserting yourself with an employer who is used to your working overtime, missing lunch, accepting angry criticism and attacks, may earn you the label of an insubordinate. Likewise, asserting yourself with a parent who has become comfortable with your total compliance and willingness to let guilt cause you to give in may cause them to declare, "You don't love me anymore." Unfortunately, there is no 'quick fix'.

It's up to you...

Self-respect is the true key to developing and maintaining healthy relationships. Our relationships with others mirror our relationship with ourselves. Self-esteem develops when we consistently strive to make healthy, fair and ethical choices.

It is true that if you demand respect and become more assertive the relationship might end. But, it is not quitting to have the courage and self-respect to sever an abusive or addictive relationship. Sometimes being assertive is about knowing when it is imperative to our well-being and self-respect to disengage.

Assertiveness is more than just words. You must have a belief in yourself that radiates through your voice, gestures, tone, attitude, and body language that says, "I am a worthy person and I will be treated respectfully."

Self-respect is where assertiveness begins and manipulation ends.

Take Action!

Look closely at the times your family or friends are assertive. How do you react? Doesn't it feel good to be with someone who is upfront, honest and cooperative?

Think about the times when you are not assertive. What other communication style(s) do you most often use? Does it work? Are you rewarded for your non-assertive behavior?

Try to be assertive at the times you might use another communication style. Do others react more positively toward you?
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If I have been of service, if I have glimpsed more of the nature and essence of ultimate good, if I am inspired to reach wider horizons of thought and action, if I am at peace with myself, it has been a successful day.
Alex Noble
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TODAY IS YESTERDAY'S TOMORROW
by Jim Rohn

The problem with waiting until tomorrow is that when it finally arrives, it is called today. Today is yesterday's tomorrow. The question is what did we do with its opportunity? All too often we will waste tomorrow as we wasted yesterday, and as we are wasting today. All that could have been accomplished can easily elude us, despite our intentions, until we inevitably discover that the things that might have been have slipped from our embrace a single, unused day at a time.

Each of us must pause frequently to remind ourselves that the clock is ticking. The same clock that began to tick from the moment we drew our first breath will also someday cease.

Time is the great equalizer of all mankind. It has taken away the best and the worst of us without regard for either. Time offers opportunity but demands a sense of urgency.

When the game of life I finally over, there is no second chance to correct our errors. The clock that is ticking away the moments of our lives does not care about winners and losers. It does not care about who succeeds or who fails. It does not care about excuses, fairness or equality. The only essential issue is how we played the game.

Regardless of a person's current age, there is a sense of urgency that should drive them into action now - this very moment. We should be constantly aware of the value of each and every moment of our lives - moments that seem so insignificant that their loss often goes unnoticed.

We still have all the time we need. We still have lots of chances - lots of opportunities - lots of years to show what we can do. For most of us, there will be a tomorrow, a next week, a next month, and a next year. But unless we develop a sense of urgency, those brief windows of time will be sadly wasted, as were the weeks and months and years before them. There isn't an endless supply!

So as you think of your dreams and goals of your future tomorrow, begin today to take those very important first steps to making them all come to life.

To Your Success,
Jim Rohn
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Be ashamed to die until you have won some victory for humanity
Horace Mann

The center of human nature is rooted in ten thousand ordinary acts of kindness that define our days.
Stephen Jay Gould
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17 WORDS THAT CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER!
by Jerry Clark


I remember several years back I heard something that changed my life forever. Up until that point I had been struggling through life – doing everything the hard way. I couldn't figure out why my life wasn't going the way I felt it should be. I saw some people going through life effortlessly and seemingly with less tension and frustration while I was wondering if I could ever straighten out the mess my life had turned out to be. I was behind on my dreams, my promises, and my bills. Then one day I was listening to a tape and the lady was talking about the power of having dreams and goals and all of the other stuff that those motivational speakers talk about. By that point I had listened to hundreds of such tapes, but it seemed as if nothing worked for me. Probably the only reason I was listening to that one was because I had developed a habit of listening to cassette tapes while driving my car. The statement the lady said was simple and I think I had even heard it somewhere before but this time a light bulb went on in my head. I remember stopping the tape and rewinding it over and over again to hear the 17 words she said. I couldn't believe it was so basic and simple. I was looking for something sophisticated and complicated. I thought I had to attend a $10,000 seminar. I didn't know I could find it on a $10 tape program. I'm taking the time to tell you all of this preliminary information because when I tell you the 17 words, I really want you to get it and get it NOW! Because if you get it NOW, your life will never be the same. You will be using the same principle that all who have became wealthy before you have used.

Even those who became wealthy and can't tell you how they did use this same principle without even being aware of what they are doing. Well, are you ready for the 17 words that made a powerful and positive impact on my life and on the life of tens of thousands of individuals who have achieved unimaginable success? Of course you are... Well, here they are...

For things to change, you must get a picture of what you want them to change to. Yes, it's as simple as it sounds and as easy as it seems... Don't try to make it any complicated than this because it will only frustrate you. You must know exactly what you want and the more specific and clear you can get, the better. This is important because Human Beings are Teleological in nature... In other words, we move towards the pictures we constantly hold in our minds. Let me give you an example… Suppose you went to the store and bought a 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle but it didn't have a picture on the box of what the end result should look like. Would you have a much harder time putting the picture together? Of course. You may eventually figure it out; however, the person who has a clear picture of what the end result should look like will be more than 100 times ahead of you. The question is are they 100 times ahead of you because their IQ is 100 times greater? Is it because they are 100 times better looking than you? Maybe it's because they live 100 times closer to the person who created the puzzle? Ohh, I know – they were one of the first students to take the Evelyn Woods mind-expanding speed-reading and comprehension course right? If none of this is true then what it?

Yes, the person who had the clear and specific picture of what the outcome was supposed to be was simply operating in accordance to how our brain works. It moves towards the pictures we hold in our mind. It's interesting because once you know exactly what it is you are moving towards, you seem to automatically know the steps to take or the necessary steps will soon become noticeable. Your brain, operating similar to a magnet, will start to attract in your direction the conditions, people, and circumstances that will help you move closer to the mental picture you maintain in your mind and it will repel all of those things that do not correlate to the picture you have in your mind. Therefore, the people who are clear and specific about what they want are using the powers of the Universe to assist them. This is, indeed, an awesome power. A person who knows how and uses this awesome power of the Universe to his or her advantage is a person who is working smart. A person who struggles every day trying to move closer to the success that they have no idea how it's supposed to look is a person who is working hard.

Based on your observations over the years, do you think that most people are working hard or working smart? People who just work hard day in and day out without a clear picture of what they are moving towards are about as exciting as a tulip. Even though they may seem to be willing to work hard and put in the hours, they don't seem to have much life in them. And people want to follow people who seem to have some life in them. If they want to find people who don't seem to have much life in them, all they have to do is go to their job. People will follow people who look like they know where they are going and looks like they are excited about the journey.

You must understand that your strength comes from knowing what you want. This will ignite the fire inside of you and enable you to borrow from the promise of the future so you can engage in the activities today that will move you closer and closer to what you want. It will enable you to go through the trials and tribulations that may be necessary so you can arrive at your destination. But remember the journey will be more important than the destination because in the journey you will become the person you require to become to finally arrive at your destination. So when you reach your destination, look at the person you have become and set a new destination so you can continue to grow and develop.

Whatever you do, just always remember that for things to change, you must get a picture of what you want them to change to. These are the 17 Words that Changed My Life Forever... Why not allow them to change yours too...

Until Next time...

Go, Go, Go!!!
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"When you forgive, you in no way change the past -- but you sure do change the future."
Bernard Meltzer
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Gotta Watch the Fish Eat
By Cheryl Kirking


I did something very daring today. I said, "No." I was at a meeting where I was asked to serve on a committee that would require numerous Thursday evening meetings. And I said, "No."
I declined politely, even graciously, but it wasn't enough. The others just looked at me, waiting. Three long seconds, four, five. Waiting, waiting for my important excuse. They couldn't move on until I had explained my answer.
"You see," I continued, "I really want to be home to tuck the kids in bed at night." Most of the others around the table nodded in understanding. "Well," the chairperson offered, "we can make sure we're done by eight-thirty, so you can be home in time to tuck the kids in." The others murmured in affirmation, and turned back to me, expectantly, waiting for my response.
"Well," I explained, "that's right when we are watching the fish eat." The others weren't impressed. "You see," I continued, "on Thursdays, after I've quizzed the children for Friday's spelling tests, we watch the fish. It's just an important time in our family's week. It seems to set the tone for the next day, and when I'm gone on Thursday nights, Fridays just don't go as well." My words sounded rather weak and almost silly as they tumbled out. No one said, "Oh, of course, Cheryl, we understand!" They were still waiting.
Now, I could have added, "But, you see, I've got a book manuscript due to the publisher in two months that I have got to work on." That would have been sufficiently important. After all, that's my career. They would have nodded in understanding, and quickly moved on. But the truth is, I'm not writing between 7:30 and 8:30 p.m. on Thursday evenings. I'm being Mom. I'm reviewing spelling words for Friday's tests. I'm checking math answers. I'm making sure permission notes are signed, book reports are written and weekly assignments completed. And when school work is done, and the children have brushed their teeth and gotten into their PJs, the family gathers on the couch in front of the aquarium to watch the fish eat. We feed the fish every night, of course. But on Thursdays we make an effort to sit together as a family and watch them. This is when I heard about Blake's plans to be a paleontologist. It's when I learned about how Bryce handled the bully on the playground. This is when Sarah Jean explained why she doesn't want to wear bows in her hair anymore.
The committee members were still looking at me. Feeling guilty, I almost changed my mind to say, "Okay, I'll do it." But I didn't. Because my reason for saying no is important. On Thursday evenings, we watch the fish eat.
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"The manner in which it is given is worth more than the gift."
Pierre Corneille

Happiness cannot come from without. It must come from within. It is not what we see and touch or that which others do for us which makes us happy; it is that which we think and feel and do, first for the other fellow and then for ourselves.
Helen Keller
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BE COMMITTED TO KEEPING YOUR PERSONAL AND PROFESSIONAL LIFE IN BALANCE
by Denis Waitley

It is so important to be living in prime time, rather than watching TV in prime time. On your way to success make certain you grow friendships, not just bank and mutual fund accounts. Life is a collection of memories, not of material things. The Egyptian pharaohs were buried with all their treasures, and were mummified in hopes that they could enjoy their bounty in the next life. But we are only caretakers of possessions. There is a big difference between standard of living and quality of life. Standard of living is based on income earned. Quality of life is the enjoyment of the millions of minutes in between accomplishments.

Having money is only one aspect of wealth. To the sick person, wealth is health. To the lonely person, wealth is someone to talk to and share with. To the estranged person, wealth is hearing words of love and forgiveness.

Borrowing the free verse style from Brother Jeremiah's classic poem, I'd Pick More Daisies, here are a few things I'd do, the second time around.

I'd laugh at my misfortunes more. Spend more time counting my blessings than my blemishes. Spend more time playing with my children and grandchildren and less time watching performers in the arena. More time enjoying what I have, less time thinking about the things I don't have. If I could live my life again, I'd walk in the rain more without an umbrella and listen less to weather reports. I'd spend more time looking at trees and climbing them, less time flipping through magazines made from dead trees. I'd spend more time fully involved in the present moment, less time remembering and anticipating. I'd smile more, frown less.

And most of all I'd be more spontaneous and active, less hesitant and subdued. When some spur of the moment idea came up to go hiking, playing Frisbee, coloring Easter eggs, singing in a chorus, going kayaking, or watching an eclipse, I'd be less likely to sit in my chair objecting, "It's not in our plan."

I'd be inclined to jump up and run out the door next time and say, "Yes, we can!" Although I can't live my life again, I'm still going to live the new way every day any way. I'll never have all the moments I've missed, but I do have all the time remaining.

Action Idea – Choose one activity this month that you really want to engage in, but that you have been putting off because it isn't a priority. Schedule that activity in your planner, as if it were a "must do" business or financial commitment. When you have done it, while you are still feeling good, schedule one for next month, and do it as long as you live.
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We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee.
Marian Wright Edelman
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Maintaining determination

With enough determination, no goal is out of reach. Determination carries you past seemingly insurmountable obstacles and makes things real that were once considered impossible. So how do you create and maintain sufficient determination to take you where you want to go? How do you keep the power of determination working for you?

To maintain your determination, you simply must remember it. For as powerful as your determination can be, it is nothing more than a concept in your mind.

As long as you can keep that concept of determination at the front of your mind, it will work for you. As long as you can remember, with passion and with clarity, the what, why and how of your determination, it will carry you forward.

When the challenges come, remember that you are determined and you will be. Though your determination won't solve your problems for you, it can keep you going long enough for you to solve them yourself.

What things in your life do you truly wish to change, to improve, to create, to accomplish, and why? Sincerely answer that question, and you'll discover plenty of determination within yourself.

Keep that determination in mind as each moment goes by, and you'll accomplish whatever you choose to accomplish.

Ralph Marston
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"Real-izing our goals, allows us to realize our goals."
Kevin Eikenberry