"Winners take time to relish their work, knowing that scaling the mountain is what makes the view from the top so exhilarating."

Denis Waitley
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ACCEPTING REJECTION

Lloyd J. Thomas, Ph.D.

Most people tend to wilt when they are confronted with rejection. Rejection makes them feel afraid or angry, worthless or shameful, self-critical or self-deprecating. People who experience accepting rejection often remain shy, withdrawn in social situations, and feeling inferior (or "less than") to other people.

Most of us learn how to cope with rejection when we are very young. At that time we are still dependent on others for our survival and for fulfilling most of our needs. We are dependent on others whenever we are unable to cope with life on our own, unable to adequately meet our own needs, unable to solve problems effectively, and unable to protect ourselves from threats. When we are dependent, rejection is a genuine threat to our well-being. Under those conditions of dependency, it is very appropriate to feel afraid, angry, or helpless when rejected.

Having assumed enough responsibility for their self-care and self-protection to adequately function independently, adults may still experience those same old feelings when other people reject them. When others tell them "no," remove themselves from the relationship, tell them they're fired, or otherwise reject them, they still feel those archaic emotions they felt as a child.

Learning to accept rejection may be a difficult process. It is a skill most of us must relearn after we are adults. Like all new skills, it requires new definitions, new ways of thinking about events and new behaviors to practice.

One hint about learning to accept rejection is: acknowledge that rejection is a natural part of the human decision-making process. When someone wants to make a decision of importance, s/he would do well to seek out many possible solutions and reject most of them; seek out lots of advice and reject most of it; or learn many points of view and reject most of them. Rejecting alternatives narrows the field of possibilities to one or two options. It makes decisions more accurate and less cumbersome.

Rejection increases the value of any given accepted alternative. When car-shopping, if you buy the first one you see, you value it less than if you have looked over 30 different automobiles and rejected 29 of them, and purchased the one for you. After you have rejected the 29, you will value more highly the one you finally buy.

When you remember the above processes, creatively coping with rejection becomes easier. If you realize that when most people say "no" to you, they are actually in the decision-making mode, and they are attempting to narrow the field. Their decision-making process is not under your control. They have free choice the same as you. Some sales people think that many decision makers feel compelled to say "no" at least eight times before they feel comfortable saying "yes." The sooner they get past the first eight "no's" the sooner they will feel free to say "yes."

In order to learn to accept rejection more easily, the most crucial distinctions you can make are between "rejection" and "refusal" and between rejecting of the person vs. rejecting their behavior. You need to be clear about interpreting as personal rejection merely the refusal of what you may be offering or wanting. You may need to realize that when others say "no" to you in some manner, they may be rejecting your current behavior and not you as a person. Most often others reject what we want from them or what we are doing, rather than rejecting us...the persons we are.

Not taking rejection personally is the key element in learning how to accept rejection. Certainly that is easier said than done, but with practice, we can all learn it.
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"Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like."

Will Smith
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Confidence

Confidence comes easily and naturally for some, for many others it seems impossible. The good news is that it is a habit that can be learned by anyone. It will take some degree of training, and practice, but who would deny it's worth?

"The control of the thinking machine is perfectly possible. And since nothing whatever happens to us outside our own brain; since nothing hurts us or gives us pleasure except within the brain, the supreme importance of being able to control what goes on in that mysterious brain is patent. Without the power to dictate to the brain its task and to ensure obedience - true life is impossible." - Arnold Bennett (1867-1931)

Using autosuggestion, by repeatedly filling the mind with positive and pleasant thoughts, can result in a profound positive outcome. Picture in your mind, as vividly as possible, a scene in which you are performing very successfully. Picture this again and again so that your mind is totally occupied with confidence. This will push out the doubt, as there is no room for both. Every time a negative thought pops up, immediately replace it with the pleasant success thought.

Affirmations are a similar technique that can work wonders. This is the repeating of positive words about yourself, concerning what you wish to do. The words cram the mind with confident thoughts that have a direct effect on how you act. As an example, if you have to make a presentation - "I am doing everything slowly, calmly, surely. I am relaxed and breathing deeply and easily. I feel confident about this. I am in control. I have nothing to lose. They like me. I feel good and I am comfortable with these people. I am concentrating on them, not on myself. They are here because they want to be."

"They can because they think they can."

- Vergil (BC)Ken McIsaac
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"That man is richest whose pleasures are the cheapest."

Henry David Thoreau

"The substance of your communication is the response it generates."
Tony Jeary
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The Lessons of 100

This is the 100th Vantagepoints essay I will write and publish. It is also the last essay that will be included in my first book. In preparing to write this essay and in preparing the book for publication, I have read the other 99 essays in a relatively short period of time. One would hope that this 100th essay would be significantly better than the first one I wrote.

I mean, if I shoot 100 free throws, or repeat the Gettysburg Address 100 times, or practice saying Happy Birthday in French 100 times, I would expect to be better at those things at the end of those repetitions than when I started.

I believe that this is true of my writing. I am a better writer now than when I started (whew!).

Beyond the individual lessons I have written about in each essay, there are other things I have learned through this writing journey, and it seems fitting to share them with you. I don't share them to gloat, as in "see what I've learned." I share them because I believe you can learn from my lessons (which is part of what Vantagepoints is about) and I share them because in reflecting on and writing about them, the lessons become more a part of me (which is another part of what Vantagepoints is about).

Everyday

The subtitle of the book is "Finding Learning Opportunities in Everyday Life Situations." I have learned that there are lessons for us everyday. In order to find those lessons, we must expect them, which demands that we keep our eyes, ears and minds open for them. Too many of us on too many days, move from morning to night, from meeting to meeting or task to task, completing the routine of life as if it is only that; a routine.

Like the parent who asks their children at the end of a school day, "What did you learn today?", we must ask ourselves this question. We expect learning opportunities for the kids each day - that is why they are in school after all. It is the same for us. As human learning beings, the reason we live each day is in part to learn.

I have found that the opportunities for us to learn are all around us in both the unique experiences, and in the normal route we drive each morning or the way we make our coffee.

The lessons are waiting for us around every corner and in every conversation. Everyday.

Reflection

While looking for the lessons is a necessary first step, it isn't enough. We must take time to reflect on those experiences. Without open eyes and ears we don't have experiences to reflect on, but without time to analyze and think about those experiences, we won't harvest the rich lessons available to us.

A military unit debriefs events after a mission. A sports team watches the game film. A skilled trainer asks people a well developed series of questions after any learning experience. Why? Because they know that by reviewing the experience, there is a chance to learn from that experience, gain more knowledge from it, and be more successful or productive in the future.

This is what we must do. We must reflect on our experiences in order to gain the most from them.

Writing 100 of these essays has forced me to reflect - after all, I needed to find something to write about each month. What I have learned over the years though is that reflection, like any other skill, develops with practice.

In the quiet moments of your day, think about your recent experiences. Ask yourself what went well, how you were surprised, and what was different. Ask yourself how those experiences relate to other recent experiences and what you can learn from the combinations. Then ask the most important question - what will you do differently, with your new knowledge and understanding.

Retelling Stories

Stories are powerful ways to share a message. That is why we watch movies and read novels. That is why the stories I tell during a speech are among the most powerful things I can do. Hearing or reading someone else's story can be very useful. It can engage us, prompt us, and teach us.

But this isn't my lesson.

Yes, stories are powerful. But the most powerful stories are the stories we tell. In telling our stories we are reflecting on our lessons. By telling our stories we understand them better than we did before we told them.

It is what I have now done 100 times. Experienced something(s), reflected on the experience, found some lessons, and told the story. Each link in this learning chain is helpful, but the telling of the story completes the loop. They typically make a lot of sense in my head, but until I tell them (in my case write them) the lessons often are vague and disconnected.

Something magical happens when we talk about a concept - we begin to solidify our understanding and truly make sense of what has been in our heads.

I have learned that stories aren't just powerful to read or hear, they are powerful to tell.

Action

The theme and lesson that comes through most of these essays is "take action." Nothing happens until we take action.

I have ended each essay by encouraging you to do something. Through my example, I hope you have taken my advice (more than once). But I can't take the action for you.

There are two things I know for sure. You maximize the value of what you learn by putting it into action. And no one can do that for you.

Your lessons await you, and I urge you to discover them. Take the time to think through your experiences and create stories to help you make the learning more concrete and real. Most of all, take what you have learned and put it into action.

When I do those things I am most successful.

When you do those things you will be most successful too.

Life is happening all around you. The learning awaits.

Yours in Learning,

Kevin Eikenberry
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"Today's audiences are stimulation junkies with short attention spans."

Patricia Fripp
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The Touchstone

When the great library of Alexandria burned, the story goes, one book was saved. But it was not a valuable book; and so a poor man, who could read a little, bought it for a few coppers. The book wasn't very interesting, but between its pages there was something very interesting indeed. It was a thin strip of vellum on which was written the secret of the "Touchstone"!

The touchstone was a small pebble that could turn any common metal into pure gold. The writing explained that it was lying among thousands and thousands of other pebbles that looked exactly like it. But the secret was this: The real stone would feel warm, while ordinary pebbles are cold.

So the man sold his few belongings, bought some simple supplies, camped on the seashore, and began testing pebbles.

He knew that if he picked up ordinary pebbles and threw them down again because they were cold, he might pick up the same pebble hundreds of times. So, when he felt one that was cold, he threw it into the sea. He spent a whole day doing this but none of them was the touchstone. Yet he went on and on this way. Pick up a pebble. Cold - throw it into the sea. Pick up another. Throw it into the sea.

The days stretched into weeks and the weeks into months. One day, however, about midafternoon, he picked up a pebble and it was warm. He threw it into the sea before he realized what he had done. He had formed such a strong habit of throwing each pebble into the sea that when the one he wanted came along, he still threw it away.

So it is with opportunity. Unless we are vigilant, it's asy to fail to recognize an opportunity when it is in hand and it's just as easy to throw it away.

Author Unknown
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"Accept complete responsibility both for understanding and for being understood."

Brian Tracy

"Example has more followers than reason. We unconsciously imitate what pleases us, and approximate to the characters we most admire."

Christian Nevell Bovee
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TEN ATTITUDES OF TOP-ACHIEVERS

by Brian Tracy

If you think the same way as the top achievers think, you can begin to get the same results they do. Here are ten psychological and practical ways to mirror the attitudes of top-achievers.

1. See yourself as a consultant rather than a salesperson. Believe that you are a problem-solver with regard to your product and how the client can best use it.

2. Become a doctor of selling. Act in the best interests of your "patients" and have a high code of ethics.

3. See yourself as the president of your own sales corporation. Accept 100 percent responsibility for your results.

4. Commit yourself to being the best in your field. Dedicate yourself to lifelong learning.

5. Be ambitious, hungry, and determined to use selling as a stepping-stone to the success you want in life.

6. Have integrity. Be honest with yourself and others.

7. Engage in thorough preparation prior to every call.

8. Be an excellent listener; be extremely customer-focused.

9. Have tremendous courage. Be willing to face your fears of rejection and failure, and overcome them.

10. Be highly persistent. Start your workday earlier, work harder, and stay longer. To make these changes work you must walk, talk, and behave consistently with them every hour of every day.
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"If you want to be successful, find someone who has achieved the results you want and copy what they do and you'll achieve the same results."

Anthony Robbins
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Responsibility

"I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul." - William Henley (1849-1903)

Our lives are only as good as we decide to make them. We should make short and long range plans and then follow them through, reviewing them as we go. It is our design and determination that decide our destiny, and this is our responsibility. When things are not right, we should blame nobody, for that only dodges the problems that lie within us and causes us to fail again next time. Examine your own actions and decide how things will be.

"Let him who would move the world, first move himself." - Socrates (BC)

"Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be." - Thomas Kempis (1380-1471)

We should make a special effort to be that which we want others to think we are. We must do our duties, complete our tasks, be kind and honest. "It is not alone what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable." - Moliere (1622-1673)

Be an individual and do what you believe in. Take responsibility for your actions. Take a good look at yourself as if you were someone else conducting a review. Anything you want to change?

"Nothing can bring you peace but yourself." - Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

Not in the clamor of the crowded street, Not in the shouts and plaudits of the throng, But in ourselves, are triumph and defeat. - Henry Longfellow (1807-1882)

Ken N McIsaac
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"The more you teach positive ideas to others, the better you learn them yourself."

Brian Tracy

As we grow as unique persons, we learn to respect the uniqueness of others.

Rober Schuller
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Processing Negative Emotions - Emotional Intelligence

While we all, at some level, understand that we're motivated by pain and pleasure, it's amazing how we can learn, especially in our Western culture, to ignore the concomitant fact that moving toward pleasure makes us feel good, and is good for our health, while moving toward pain does the opposite.

Yes, "no pain no gain" has its place. It fits for cognitive learning experiences, like struggling to learn a new language, or new theory; and physical endeavors, like weight lifting and increasing your ability to jog, but when it comes to emotional experiences, we don't benefit from the negative. It takes a tremendous toll.

One of the immediate goals of emotional intelligence is to increase your self-awareness. Not to the point where you spend all your time analyzing yourself and looking inward, but enough so you can assess quickly your emotional states, and, more importantly, the cost they have for you.

WHAT DO YOU FEEL?

At the rudimentary level, you can learn by asking yourself several times a day, "How am I feeling?" Don't answer it superficially, but rather at the level of how you're feeling physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

In this way, you can learn the physiological signals to your own emotions. For instance, I have talked with people who didn't realize their stomach was "in knots" because it always had been, and that's the way they thought it should be. Or you may not connect that sudden pain in your neck with the proper antecedent. I remember driving back to town with a friend after a weekend away, and as we got closer to home, she started talking about her boyfriend, and not in very positive ways. As she did, she started stroking, twisting and 'cracking' her neck, which was evidently getting tighter due to the fact that her boyfriend was sounding to me, at any rate, like the proverbial "pain in the neck," though she wasn't aware of it until I put the two together for her. Up to that point in the trip she had been pain-free. This is not a good sign re: the relationship!

WHERE DO YOU FEEL IT?

When you begin to recognize the physical signs quickly, you can do what it takes to protect yourself. We say that certain people "drain us," and this means drain important energy we could be using elsewhere to better advantage.

WHY DO YOU FEEL IT?

The next step is to ask yourself WHY you feel that way. Emotions are often complex and when you learn to sort through them, you find that some variables that contribute to them can be changed or avoided, such as being too hot, or too lonely; but that in other cases, there's nothing you can change, such as a person or situation that continually drains your energy. No matter how else you're feeling, even if you're completely rested and feeling great, you find this person or situation always has the same result. In that case, if the toll is high, and you pay the price every time, the wise choice would be to eliminate this situation or person.

In this way you can identify which situation and people bring you pleasure, and which bring you pain, and make wise decisions.

In the case of my friend in the car, she might have had that experience also if her boyfriend were currently facing a bypass or cataract surgery. You need to be able to sort out what's causing what. Is it pain about someone you love, or is someone you love causing you pain?

WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.

This is important because being able to experience and process a negative emotion gives you more confidence in your ability to manage them. The better you understand what's going on, the more you realize you have a choice. If you study how to process a certain negative emotion, such as anger, you'll come to know your trigger-points, and your patterns of response that aren't productive. These you can always change. You can also choose which things are worth the energy it takes, and the physical stress toll it takes, to get angry.

Understanding your ability to change things gives you personal power. You always have a choice. You have the option to avoid things that make you angry, to avoid criticizing yourself when you do feel angry, to learn how to calm yourself more quickly, to change how you respond when you get angry - both internally and externally - and to eliminate people who constantly make you angry.

The more you learn about emotions in general, and yours in particular, the more options you have. You will become less puzzled in the grip of an emotion, less rigid in your responses, and better able to think and respond (or not) rather than feel and react mindlessly. This makes you a full and complex human being, not an input-opereation-output machine.

We generally acquire more emotional intelligence throughout our lifetime, but it's not a given if you aren't processing and becoming aware. If you find yourself swamped by the same things over and over, take a look at what's going on, do some reading, and work with a coach.

If a certain situation always triggers a reaction from you that gets you in trouble, understand this is something you can change. You can learn to bring about a different outcome. After all, not everyone who gets angry hits someone, gets hot under the collar, shouts, becomes passively defiant, or sings a happy tune. Of all the responses out there that are possible, you can learn to choose the best one for you at the time.

© Copyright Susan Dunn All rights reserved.
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It's great to work with somebody who wants to do things differently.

Keith Bellows
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DISCIPLINE AND LOYALTY ARE TREMENDOUS

by Charlie "Tremendous" Jones

We live in a world where these two great words -- discipline and loyalty are becoming meaningless. Does this mean that they are worthless? On the contrary, they are becoming priceless qualities because they are so hard to develop in the first place. And should you be one of the fortunate few who by God's grace has caught the vision. Your battle has just begun because the greatest battle is to keep what you've learned through these two priceless qualities.

Discipline is that great quality few people use that enables them to be constructively busy all the time. Even in discouragement and defeat, discipline will rescue you and usher you to a new place to keep constructively busy while you forget about doubt, worry and self-pity. Oh, that more in this day would realize the absolute necessity of discipline and the degree of growth and happiness to be attained from it.

Most people think that loyalty is to a thing or to a person when actually it is really to one's own self. Some think that it is to a goal or an objective, but again it is to one's own convictions. If loyalty has to be earned then it is deserved and is hardy, more than devoted emotion based on a temporary feeling. No, loyalty is the character of a person who has given himself the task before him and he will always realize that out of a loyal heart will spring all the other virtues that make life one of depth and growth.

Tremendously, Charles "T" Jones
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"No man is capable of self-improvement if he sees no other model but himself."
Conrado I. Generoso

"If you concentrate on the present, you eliminate what happened yesterday and any apprehension of what may happen tomorrow."

Denis Waitley
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Don't Take It Personally....in Advance!

"Pat" (not her real name; hence the clever quotation marks) :-), a wwi subscriber, is a consultant to hospitals. Her latest assignment was a large facility in the northeast. She was warned in advance by some of her fellow consultants at the firm where she's employed that "The people at _________ hospital are short and to the point, and can even be rude." So, she geared her mind to not take their attitude personally, do the best work she could, and just try and get along.

According to Pat, "They were somewhat like that from time to time but, since I had already set myself to not to let their behavior and attitude affect me, I was fine."

She continues, "I remained friendly despite everything going on around me. Though, really, it wasn't nearly the extent to what I was told it would be. When it was my last day there, they did not want me to leave. True, they weren't the friendliest and most outgoing people I'd ever met, but I can't say I experienced a whole lot of, what I'd call, rudeness. They were just very businesslike. So, the decision to not take their attitudes personally definitely paid off. I just stayed like me.

"It's not always easy to do that, though" Pat relates. "In my situation, I was warned in advance that these people were not easy to work with. I honestly think that the other people from my company who'd been there in the past went there with the wrong attitude or something. For example, as I was leaving I told everyone, 'Thank you for giving me the honor of working with you.' One person responded, 'You are the first person from your company who has ever thanked us!'"

According to Pat, she always does her best to not ever go into any kind of relationship allowing other's judgments to influence her. "But", as she says, "It's tempting. Sure, it's good to have a 'heads up', but I have found too many times that other people aren't always right about those they discuss."

I'm proud of the way Pat handled that. She certainly turned a potentially difficult situation into a positive one, and turned some potential enemies into present friends.

There are at least three lessons here we can learn:

#1 If you have reason to believe you are going to be met with attitudes less-than-civil, you can prepare for it in advance. You know it isn't you; it's them. And, as such, you need have no problem being offended or taking it personally.

* Good news. Even if you're not prepared for it, if it suddenly happens, you can just say to yourself, "IF I knew in they were going to be this way (in other words, it's not me - it's them), I would have set my mind to not take it personally. So, what's the difference if I knew it then or just find out now? It's still them - not me, and I still don't have to take it personally."

#2 Don't expect and accept that, just because you're told by others that certain people will behave a certain way, that they are going to fulfill that "prophecy." It might not even be "them" but the people who gave you the incorrect information.

#3 Best of both worlds: Expect the best (and by your attitude of positive expectation you'll usually receive the best) and be prepared for the worst, just in case. That way, you never have to be surprised, and you'll know there's nothing to take personally.

You might say, isn't that sort of like walking through life with "Rose-Colored Glasses."

Maybe, but so what? Sometimes Rose-Colored Glasses provide the most accurate view.

Keep the glasses on. They help us to see much better!

Bob Burg
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"The weakest living creature, by concentrating his powers on a single object, can accomplish something; whereas the strongest, by dispersing his over many, may fail to accomplish anything."

Thomas Carlyle
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Changing the past Do you ever wish that you could change the past? If you could change the past, you would be able to correct every mistake, avoid every accident, and never experience the pain of regret.

In fact, you can very easily change the past. You simply must do it before the past becomes the past.

This moment where you are right now will soon be in the past. So now is your golden opportunity to assure that it will be a past you'll be pleased to have.

With care and focus, with love, discipline and positive intention, you can do just that. You can change what will soon be the past into the best that it can be.

Imagine not having to wonder what would have happened if only you had been a little more careful, thoughtful or diligent. Imagine living your life with no regrets.

Imagine it, and know that right now is your chance to make it so. Use this moment to give yourself a past that won't need any changes at all.

Ralph Marston
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"It's the constant and determined effort that breaks down all resistance and sweeps away all obstacles."

Claude M. Bristol

"A good heart is better than all the heads in the world."

Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton
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FAITH CAN MOVE MOUNTAINS

A small congregation in the foothills of the Great Smokies built a new sanctuary on a piece of land willed to them by a church member. Ten days before the new church was to open, the local building inspector informed the pastor that the parking lot was inadequate for the size of the building. Until the church doubled the size of the parking lot, they would not be able to use the new sanctuary.

Unfortunately, the church with its undersized lot had used every inch of their land except for the mountain against which it had been built. In order to build more parking spaces, they would have to move the mountain out of the back yard. Undaunted, the pastor announced the next Sunday morning that he would meet that evening with all members who had "mountain moving faith." They would hold a prayer session asking God to remove the mountain from the back yard and to somehow provide enough money to have it paved and painted before the scheduled opening dedication service the following week.

At the appointed time, 24 of the congregation's 300 members assembled for prayer. They prayed for nearly three hours. At ten o'clock the pastor said the final "Amen." "We'll open next Sunday as scheduled," he assured everyone. "God has never let us down before, and I believe He will be faithful this time too."

The next morning as he was working in his study there came a loud knock at his door. When he called "come in," a rough looking construction foreman appeared, removing his hard hat as he entered. "Excuse me, Reverend. I'm from Acme Construction Company over in the next county. We're building a huge new shopping mall over there and we need some fill dirt. Would you be willing to sell us a chunk of that mountain behind the church? We'll pay you for the dirt we remove and pave all the exposed area free of charge, if we can have it right away. We can't do anything else until we get the dirt in and allow it to settle properly."

The little church was dedicated the next Sunday as originally planned and there were far more members with "mountain moving faith" on opening Sunday than there had been the previous week!

Would you have shown up for that prayer meeting? Some people say faith comes from miracles. But others know: MIRACLES COME FROM FAITH!

Author Unknown
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"Men show their character in nothing more clearly than what they think laughable."

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
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ELEMENTS OF SUCCESS

"Will" is what creates the energy and courage to create. "Want," by itself, just isn't enough. Being "willing", moves you beyond your limitations and into greatness. Birds fly, fish swim and humans create. This is our nature. At the end of the day, both optimists and pessimists are always right. Why wait when you can create? When you take your success for granted, you don't give yourself the chance to learn from the process and apply it in other areas of your life. Failure is simply a result that differs from the one we expected. You can have success now, or you can have it later. It's entirely up to you. Success is waiting, here and now. It doesn't care where you came from, what you're doing or what you did previously. It's available to anyone who wants it and is prepared to go out and take it.

"You can't always get what you want" makes a great song lyric, but it's a terrible motto for life. The more you practice creating success in one area, the easier it becomes to create success somewhere else. If you're attempting to create something perfect, I have three words of advice for you: Get over it! To be successful, you have to care about what you're doing. Creating success is all about fulfilling or manifesting the purpose for which you were born. When your mind is sharp, attentive and ready for use, you'll find that you can create anything you are willing to have. Our mind gives us the power to both create and destroy.

Quotes from "Elements of Success" by Nisandeh Neta,
Copyright © 2003
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"Character is much easier kept than recovered."

Thomas Paine

"Problems are only opportunities in work clothes."

Henry J. Kaiser
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Desperate Housewife No More- 8 Ways To Take Back Your Life

Do you feel that you are living someone else's life? Do you want to feel good and positive about yourself and your life? These 8 simple steps will help you to break free of what is causing distress in your life.

Change Your Approach to Life.

What is controlling your life right now?

Are you controlled by your emotions, by your past experiences, or by your thoughts? The way you approach life is the way you will live your life. If you see your life as miserable and a failure, then that is the way you will live your life.

By allowing yourself to grow in resentment and regret each day, you are cheating yourself of a quality life. You were not destined to live a life of uncertainty and emotional distress. Your negative experiences and disappointing past is what keeps you in desperation and frustration. Start to see things as getting better rather than getting worse.

Start each day with a clean slate and with the determination to be at your best. Think about what's possible, not what's implausible. Stop complaining about what isn't right in your life and start to embrace what is good in your life. Don't look back at what you have missed out on and what you have lost; think about all you have to gain. Anticipate the best for your life, be clear on what you want in your life, and then start to create life changing strategies.

It's not easy to change your approach; it takes time and commitment to living a better life. On useful way to change your approach is to not put any expectations on the day and to incorporate a bright attitude in your day.

Be Responsible for Your Own Happiness

No one has the power to make you happy. You are responsible for your own happiness. Not your spouse, significant other, children, parents, therapists, life coach, friends, lover, job, career, business, etc. Your happiness depends on your beliefs and attitudes. You can't change the past or predict the future, so be content with what you have today.

Happiness feeds your spirits and helps you regain your passion for life. It is up to you to make the strides toward your happiness. If you are constantly dealing with difficult people, develop a plan that will help you keep your sanity when dealing with them. By living in sadness and depression, you are giving away your powers and letting someone or something else control you. If you find that your interactions with certain people control your mood, and then make the decision to control whether or not you will be affected by them.

You are in control of your thoughts and emotions. If you are blaming others for your state of unhappiness, ask yourself how are contributing to the problem too? Make a list of 25 things you can be happy about right now. Look over your list whenever you feel yourself giving in to self pity or sadness.

Let People Know How You Want to Be Treated

Don't expect your friends, family and colleague to know what you want. If you have needs that aren't being met, you must clearly communicate what you want. You have to let people know what is acceptable and what is not acceptable to you. Be firm with your boundaries and let people know when they have crossed the line.

Never assume because you wouldn't do something to someone that they wouldn't do it to you. When dealing with strong personalities, let them know in an assertive manner what is not acceptable to you. If you continue to let people disrespect you, then they will just assume that it is acceptable. Be honest with people about how their behavior makes you feel. Don't look for them to change right away, but at least by telling them you are giving the message that you have self-respect.

Stop Putting Up With People and Situations that You Have Outgrown.

What are you still tolerating that no longer works for you? Why are you still putting up with it?

Tolerators can become old reliable friends once we've had them for a while. Although you know that you need to make changes, you avoid doing so because you are so comfortable with the toleration. Getting rid of Tolerators requires you to be honest with yourself about what isn't working in your life and then you have to make the decision whether to change it or live with it. But what will it cost you in the long run?

After some time, this toleration will drain your energy and sap your enthusiasm for life. If you have been desensitizing yourself from what you are allowing in your life, you will deprive yourself of a fulfilling life. Take some time to write down what you are putting up with and create a plan to change it.

Stop Attracting Drama into Your Life

Do bad things seem to always happen to you? Do you attract unstable or difficult people and situations?

Yes, we all face problems in life, but if this is consistent for you, maybe it's time to look at what you are subconsciously attracting to yourself.

If you don't feel right unless there is some crisis or unforeseen circumstance in your life, maybe it's time to shift your focus. You will always have these situations in your life if you are always thinking, worrying or talking about them. Learn to trust your instincts. If something doesn't feel right to you, then don't do it. If you are being pressured or coerced into an uncomfortable situation, stand firm and decline to make any major decisions.

Set Realistic Expectations

If your husband or significant other is not romantic, then don't expect him to do something outrageously romantic on your birthday. If you place unrealistic expectations on people or situations, you set yourself up for disappointment.

Be realistic about what people can and cannot do. Don't expect people to live up to your dreams of what they should be like. Don't expect more than people can deliver. If you have idealized expectations on what your life should be like, you may be dissatisfied in the actual results.

Maintain Your Individuality

Are you giving up so much of yourself that you don't even know your true self anymore?

If you are living someone else's idea life, then you are not living a self actualized life. You cannot make people accept or love you based on who they want you to be. You must be yourself at all times.

What is great about you? What are your strengths, your natural gifts? The things that make you who you are can sometimes conflict with other people's expectations. Building your self awareness and knowing your self worth helps you to avoid the pitfall of losing your individuality. You don't want to look back on your life with regret or resentment because you gave up yourself for someone else. Don't make sacrifices that will compromise your individuality. Do what you love to do, find what you are passionate about and live your life with enthusiasm.

Get Help When You Need It

It's so much easier to live in denial than to admit that you need help. Sometimes life can seem overbearing and repeated setbacks can lead to sadness, anxiety and depression. Depression is a debilitating disease that progresses slowly and grows worse with time.

There is a difference between feeling blue occasionally and not having any energy to do the simple things in life. This is when you need to make the decision to get help. Your situation will not get any better by doing nothing about it. Realize that you have a serious problem and seek help. Don't try to handle it by yourself or make it go away.

© Copyright Marie Magdala Roker

All rights reserved.
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"When you've got something to prove, there's nothing greater than a challenge."

Terry Bradshaw
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Values "A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety." - Aesop (BC)

Most of us go through life always wanting more and better. Being in this state of constant desire does not coexist with peace of mind. It is normal to want a better life for ourselves and our families, but we have to balance our goals with the cost. How much does this promotion, vacation, new purchase, cost in terms of real life? How many extra hours of stress and anxiety, now and later, go into getting it?

"The cost of a thing is the amount of what I call life, which is required to be exchanged for it immediately or in the long run." - Henry Thoreau (1817-1862)

Corporations and their advertisers are out to make money. Advertising is one-way communication persuading us to buy things we may not need or want. The good things in life are free, life itself, friendship, nature. Whatever we do possess, in the end we must leave it all behind.

"Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind. The demon of worldly desires is always seeking chances to deceive the mind. If a viper lives in your room and you wish to have a peaceful sleep, you must first chase it out." - Buddha (BC)

More and more we are coming to falsely regard material gains as success and missing out on the true values of life. "Whoever does not regard what he has as most ample wealth, is unhappy though he be master of the world." - Epicurus (BC)

Money really is quite necessary in our life, but its value should not be worshiped. Being careful not to waste it will give us less to worry about, so "Beware of little expenses; a small leak will sink a great ship." - Ben Franklin (1706-1790)

Ken a McIsaac
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"When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure."

Peter Marshal

"Those who seek security are no longer employable."

Denis Waitley
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Catching the Tradewinds: A Journey Towards Purpose

(c)2000 - Julie Jordan Scott

When I was in high school I moved from the safe, comfortable town I was raised in, to a place completely across the country. There were hardly two towns as different as Glen Ridge, New Jersey and Dana Point, California.

All my life I had been raised by my Western Parents that New Jersey was unfriendly and cold. I was not at all prepared for the arctic tundra of the tropical beach community that awaited me. Beautiful in outward appearances, thats true! I will never forget my little fifteen year old spirit walking by the bench in front of school during registration.

"Hi!" I said brightly to the girl on the bench. ("Might she be someone to sit next to during lunch hour?" I hoped.) She looked right through me and mumbled a "hi" in return. I would write very optimistic and newsy letters to my Northeastern friends.

"Wow, I can see the beach from Dana Hills!" and "I rode a boogey board for the first time today." and "Did you know our school has a surf team and the teachers wear shorts?"

I would write long letters as I perched on a hillside, overlooking the ocean. I spent many afternoons there after school. The sun kissed my cheeks and the wind hugged my skin, keeping me cool. When it was really clear, I could see Catalina Island. Nonetheless, I grew to love my surroundings. I found a group of friends. I got a great tan, and even occassionally spoke with the trademark Southern California "fer sure". One thing I knew for certain. I did not want my life to be filled with people who looked past or through other people. I knew I wanted to be among people who did not just envelope themselves in beauty.

I wanted to be among people who knew what true beauty means. How it feels. How it smells. It is almost twenty years ago since I graduated from Dana Hills High School. Most of my classmates have no idea where I am. I have never attended any of my reunions. I have only kept in contact with one person. In my mind's eye, I can see myself, at 15, looking out over the serene Dana Point Harbor, with the words of Mark Twain dancing in my waking dreams. "Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.

So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the tradewinds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." In the twenty years since I left Dana Point permanently, I have been many places. I have studied at the United Nations. I have interviewed countless PhD's and scholars. I have appeared on TV and radio. I have had two babies die. I have had two babies live. I have adopted a daughter. I have had a marriage fail. I have touched lives in ways only I could. I have discovered that within the darkest depths of despair, joy can be found.

And now, I am embarking on a new career. I am sailing away from my safe harbor. The sun is kissing my cheeks. The wind is hugging me. The tradewinds are pushing me, filling my sails. I am exploring. I am dreaming. I am discovering. And I am coming alongside others, encouraging them as they throw off their bowlines. As they sail away from their safe, comfy harbors. Is the sun kissing your cheeks? Is the wind hugging your skin? Explore! Dream! Discover!

Julie Jordan Scott
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"What activities, behaviors, or decisions have been most responsible for your success in life? Do more of them."

Brian Tracy
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Faith

Faith: complete trust, unquestioning confidence, strong belief.

Have faith in yourself, your family, your friends, your God. "Have faith, hope, and charity. That's the way to live successfully." - Early 50's song

Believe in yourself, a unique individual having personal preferences and talents. Have a deep belief that events will unfold as you really desire and believe they will. This has a very strong and positive influence on your performance. It is just the opposite of feeling anxious and worried that you will fail. This is not a guarantee, but an excellent advantage working in your favor, available for every occasion and for life itself.

"A man of courage is also full of faith." Marcus Cicero (BC) "It's faith in something and enthusiasm for something that makes life worth living." - Oliver Wendell Holmes (1809-1894)

Faith is of special importance to us when we are down. It picks us up and prepares us for the next events in our lives. "Sometimes a noble failure serves the world as faithfully as a distinguished success." - Edward Dowden (1843-1913)

Believe in your fellow human beings, special people with special characteristics. Live by the golden rule, expressed in many different cultures and religions, it is basically - Treat others the way you would like to be treated. A time proven way to feel better.

"Religion gives me a new zest for life, it gives me faith, hope, and courage. It banishes tensions, anxieties, fears, and worries. It gives purpose to my life - and direction." - William James (1842-1910)

Ken N McIsaac
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"Your work should be a challenge, not a chore; a blessing, not a bore."

Hal Stewins

"I don't judge companies by the CEO or people who fly in the corporate jets, I judge a company by the real people the ones who answer the phone and carry your bags."

Patricia Fripp
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BROKEN EGGS AND SHATTERED GLASS . . . with my sincere thanks to those late night pranksters! September 12, 2005

On a recent Saturday evening at around midnight, my wife and I were just about to turn out the light and go to sleep when we heard the sounds of a group of people talking in the street, outside our home. Then out of the blue came two loud thuds above our bedroom window, followed by the noise of laughter and people running away down our street.

We both jumped out of bed, I turned on the external lights and rushed outside unsure of what had caused the two thuds or what damage I could expect to see. The silence of the night was broken by the distant sound of people laughing and at that moment I was of a mind to chase after them, however, running bare-footed on the road in the dark is not a very wise thing to do.

I could hear dripping noises on the driveway and the flood light above our garage helped me to identify just what had happened. Our home had been the victim of an egg bombing!

Being faced with the prospect of cleaning up this sticky mess in the early hours of the morning was not a pleasing thought, on top of which I was less than impressed that we had been singled out for this annoying prank. I decided that it was too late to clean up the mess, as it would disturb our neighbours, so it could wait to the morning.

Early next morning with a bucket of warm water and scrubbing brush in hand, and with the extension ladder placed on the front wall, I was now ready to wash off what was now two dry yellowish, egg grit impregnated, 1 metre long patches above our front bedroom windows.

My task was made even more challenging by the two large canvas awnings which protect our bedroom windows from the heat and glare of the afternoon sun. My annoyance with the late night pranksters was again building to the level of the night before.

After retracting each of the awnings, something we rarely do except when there is are very high winds, I then climbed the ladder to clean up the first patch of egg stain and then move the ladder to clean the second patch. As I climbed the ladder for the second time, I noticed that the glass in a small window just under the roof line was very badly cracked. On closer inspection the crack ran around over half of the outer edge of the window pane. As the awning protected the window, it was clear to me that the damage had not been caused by the egg bombing. As I carefully placed my hand on the glass, I discovered that the pane of glass was very loose and had the window been closed with any force, it would have most likely shattered and the glass dropped to the drive way, some seven metres below.

Just a few metres away, we have a basketball ring and on most days of the week there are up to six young people who play in the immediate area, including both my sons. My thoughts immediately turned to what could have happened if the broken glass in the window had gone undetected for much longer and then suddenly shattered. The likelihood of my two sons and their friends being seriously injured was extremely high.

After quickly washing the remaining egg stain off the front wall and with the help of Tom, my youngest son, I got to work with some heavy duty masking tape and secured the cracked window as best I could. Within 24 hours the cracked window had been replaced and all was back to normal, except for the small bits of egg shell I kept finding on the front drive way and stuck to our garage doors.

Over the next few days, I realized that had our home not been bombarded by those eggs late on that Saturday night, I may not have discovered the broken window pane before it shattered and came down all over our drive way.

Even though it had been an annoyance at time, the broken eggs and the stains were cleaned up very quickly, however, the pain that could have been caused by the shattering of glass would never gone away and would have haunted my wife and myself, forever and a day.

The cold shudder that ran down my spine when I first discovered the cracked window and the thought about the consequences of someone being seriously injured or even killed, made me realise just how very lucky we had been.

Frequently in life, the small things that happen to us may have a negative impact and cause some form of pain, sadness, discomfort or personal aggravation. It is often said that we should not 'sweat the small stuff' and always look for the positive outcome or the silver lining in those dark clouds of the current circumstance, even though at the time that is not always an easy thing to do.

My personal experience with the egg bombing on that Saturday evening reminded me that in most cases there is always a flip side to everything that happens to us and that often the flip side can provide a positive outcome or an even greater benefit, if not now, then at some time in the future.

From now on whenever I see or break an egg, I will think of the egg bombing incident and say a thank you to those late night pranksters. Equally, I will always be reminded of Jean-Paul Sartre's quote:

'What is important is not what happens to us, but how we respond to what happens to us'

by Keith Ready
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"Major Clue for employee -- Poor attitude can come from places other than work. Major Clue for employer -- You can't change people's home life, but it's to every employers best advantage to make the atmosphere inside the workplace a fun one."

Jeffrey Gitomer
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The Valley

The valley is a sacred place. Each and every valley in life is sacred and with awesome purpose. Trust that.

The valley asks us to walk by faith and not by sight.

The valley is a place of spiritual wonder and spiritual renewal. It is a detour that gives great direction in its own time if and when we trust it.

Peaks and valleys are a part of life. Ups and downs that flow naturally from all that means to be a human being in this very troubled and complicated world of ours.

The valley of any and all your experiences seeks to teach you. You are not abandoned in the valleys of life. You are being up-held and so gently and lovingly spiritually directed to learn what it is that you need to know to go forward and fulfill your purpose in this life.

The valley asks us to walk by faith and not by sight.

The valley may seem to be taking from you but the valley is asking you to grieve what you need to so that you can make room for all that is yet to be in your life according to your destined purpose.

Each and every valley in your life is sacred part of your life's journey.

The valley is a soulful place of transformation, change, redemption and renewal. The valley is a part of our journeys many times over in our lives. It is not a place to stay, however.

The valley is a guided pathway that takes us into the deep crevasses of self so that we can continue to grow, change, and heal.

Anyone who chooses to stay in the valley of soul, the valley of self, will not be able to get over the hill.

There are many hills we must climb as we grow and stretch and unstep each valley.

The valley asks us to walk by faith and not by sight.

Copyright (C) 2005 Ms. A.J. Mahari (soulselfhelp@rogers.com) (www.soulselfhelp.on.ca) All rights reserved.

"Whatever your problem, define it clearly in writing before attempting to solve it."
Brian Tracy
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PERSISTENCE

by Bob Proctor


If you were to choose just one part of your personality to develop that would virtually guarantee your success, I'd like to suggest that you place persistence at the top of your list.

Napoleon Hill, in his classic Think and Grow Rich felt so strongly about this subject, he devoted an entire chapter to it. Hill suggested, "There may be no heroic connotation to the word persistence but the quality is to your character what carbon is to steel."

Think about it. If you took a quick mental walk down memory lane and reviewed some of your accomplishments in the past – large and small – you would have to agree that persistence played an important role in your success.

Napoleon Hill studied many of the world's most successful people. He pointed out the only quality he could find in Henry Ford, Thomas Edison or a host of other notable greats that he could not find in everyone else was persistence. What I found even more intriguing was the fact that Hill made comment of the fact that these individuals were often misunderstood to be ruthless or cold-blooded and that this misconception grew out of their habit of following through in all of their plans with persistence.

It's both interesting and sadly amusing to me that, as a society, we would be quick to criticize people for realizing they had an unshakeable power within them and were capable of overcoming any obstacle outside of them. This power would ultimately move them toward a greater chance of achieving any goal they set for themselves!

Milt Campbell is a good friend of mine. He and I have shared many hours together discussing the very topic of persistence. Milt was a Decathlete in the Olympic Games held in Helsinki, Finland in 1952. His goal was to capture gold for the US. Unfortunately, another fierce competitor who had taken home the gold four years previous in London wasn't satisfied with one gold, Bob Mathias wanted two; Milt had to settle for silver. That did not deter Milt one bit. He had formed the habit of persistence and four years later in Melbourne, Australia, Milt won the gold medal, earning him the title of the greatest athlete in the world.

On numerous occasions Milt has said, "There were many guys in school who were far better athletes than me, but they quit." I can recount story after story about individuals who overcame obstacles so great, but only did so because they dared persist. These individuals are no different than you and I.

Ultimately persistence becomes a way of life, but that is not where it begins. To develop the mental strength – persistence - you must first want something. You have to 'Want' something so much that it becomes a heated desire... a passion in your belly. You must fall in love with that idea. Yes, literally fall in love with the idea and magnetize yourself to every part of the idea. At that point, persistence will be virtually automatic.

Persistence is a subject I have studied all of my adult life and I can tell you one thing I know for certain: very few people ever, mentally or verbally, say to themselves... this is what I really want and I am prepared to give my life for it, and thus, they never develop the persistence to achieve it.

Persistence is a unique mental strength; a strength that is essential to combat the fierce power of the repeated rejections and numerous other obstacles that sit in waiting and are all part of winning in a fast-moving, ever-changing world. As Napoleon Hill found out, there are hundreds of highly successful men and women who have cut a path for others to follow, while leaving their mark on the scrolls of history … and every one of these great individuals was persistent. In many cases it was the only quality that separated them from everyone else.

It is generally believed that a lack of persistence is a consequence of a weak willpower. That is not true. A person could have a highly evolved willpower and still lack the persistence required to keep moving forward in life. In more cases than not, if a person lacks persistence, they do not have a goal that is worthy of them, a desirable goal that excites them to their very core.

Though willpower is important in moving a person toward their goal, if there is ever a war between the will and the imagination, the imagination will win every time. What that means is: you're powered by desire and fuelled by the dream you hold. Once you start to use your imagination to help you build a bigger picture of your dream, to define and refine it until you get it just right in your mind, the emotion that is triggered by that desire far outweighs any force that may be caused by sheer will alone. I am not suggesting the will does not have to be developed, it does. It must become highly developed in order to direct you toward the image with which you are emotionally involved.

Your intellectual factors hold the potential for enormous good when they are properly employed. However, you must remember that everything has an opposite and any of your intellectual factors can turn, without warning, into destructive lethal enemies when they are directed toward results that are not wanted. It is easy to find individuals who are persistently doing what they don't want to do and achieving results that they do not want. A lack of persistence is not their problem; that person is persisting to their own detriment. Ignorance and paradigms are the enemy that we must defeat. Everyone is persistent. Our objective must be to put persistence to work for us rather than against us.

Vision and desire have to be the focus of your attention if you're going to develop persistence into the great ally it can become.

Another excellent example of persistence was demonstrated when, in 1953, a beekeeper from Auckland, N.Z., Edmund Hillary and his native guide, Tenzing Norguay, became the first two people to climb Mt. Everest and return, after having tried and failed the two previous years.

Hillary had two obvious character strengths that took him to the very top — vision and desire. Even despite the seemingly insurmountable challenges, he had no trouble persisting with the strenuous acts that were required because every act was hooked into the image of him standing on top of the mountain. They were expressed because of his persistence, but he was persistent because he was emotionally involved with the image. Without persistence, all his skills would have meant nothing.

Persistence is an expression of the mental strength that is essential in almost every profession, where repeated rejection and obstacles are part of a daily routine.

In closing, let me give you four relatively simple steps that will help you to turn persistence into a habit. These steps can be followed by virtually anyone.

1. Have a clearly defined goal. The goal must be something you are emotionally involved with, something you want very much. (In the beginning, you may not even believe that you can accomplish it—the belief will come.)

2. Have a clearly established plan that you can begin working on immediately. (Your plan will very likely only cover the first and possibly the second stage of the journey to your goal. As you begin executing your plan, other steps required to complete your journey will be revealed at the right time.)

3. Make an irrevocable decision to reject any and all negative suggestions that come from friends, relatives or neighbors. Do not give any conscious attention to conditions or circumstances that appear to indicate the goal cannot be accomplished.

4. Establish a mastermind group of one or more people who will encourage, support and assist you wherever possible.

What do you dream of doing with your life? Do it. Begin right now and never quit. There is greatness in you. Let it out. Be persistent.
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"When you know clearly what you want, you'll wake up every morning excited about life."
Mark Victor Hansen
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GROWING WISE

It's almost my birthday, again. The big twenty-nine - another year and I'll be thirty, halfway to sixty. That's a pessimistic way of looking at it! I've been thinking a lot over the last couple of years about experiences I've had, and have come to realize that there are more times than not when I've backed out of the idea of trying something new, through fear of the unknown.

I have a housemate who is my age and unemployed, and quite happy to spend his days and months hunched over his desk in a darkened room playing computer games. He's "trying to find himself", or so he tells me.

I've spent a lot of time over the years burying myself away in night-shift work, and reading books, to avoid the outside world. I want change in my life, and it's something which is happening - slowly - but I'm learning that unless you take courage, and make yourself get out there to experience new things, life will quite happily pass you by, and leave you nothing to show for the years lost besides a memory made of ashes.

It's a depressing thought, but there's one solution to all this: know that unless you try something, you'll never know what might have been. Think about what you want from life, and then have faith that with some work, and a little patience, things usually always have a habit of working out for the better. Some people never take that first step towards making change happen - if you've done so, you're already a winner!

Copyright © 2004 David Wyatt
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"What we see depends mainly on what we look for."
John Lubbock

"Don't read a book and be a follower; read a book and be a student."

Jim Rohn
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FACING THE ENEMIES WITHIN

by Jim Rohn

We are not born with courage, but neither are we born with fear. Maybe some of our fears are brought on by your own experiences, by what someone has told you, by what you've read in the papers. Some fears are valid, like walking alone in a bad part of town at two o'clock in the morning. But once you learn to avoid that situation, you won't need to live in fear of it.

Fears, even the most basic ones, can totally destroy our ambitions. Fear can destroy fortunes. Fear can destroy relationships. Fear, if left unchecked, can destroy our lives. Fear is one of the many enemies lurking inside us.

Let me tell you about five of the other enemies we face from within. The first enemy that you've got to destroy before it destroys you is indifference. What a tragic disease this is. "Ho-hum, let it slide. I'll just drift along." Here's one problem with drifting: you can't drift your way to the top of the mountain.

The second enemy we face is indecision. Indecision is the thief of opportunity and enterprise. It will steal your chances for a better future. Take a sword to this enemy.

The third enemy inside is doubt. Sure, there's room for healthy skepticism. You can't believe everything. But you also can't let doubt take over. Many people doubt the past, doubt the future, doubt each other, doubt the government, doubt the possibilities and doubt the opportunities. Worse of all, they doubt themselves. I'm telling you, doubt will destroy your life and your chances of success. It will empty both your bank account and your heart. Doubt is an enemy. Go after it. Get rid of it.

The fourth enemy within is worry. We've all got to worry some. Just don't let it conquer you. Instead, let it alarm you. Worry can be useful. If you step off the curb in New York City and a taxi is coming, you've got to worry. But you can't let worry loose like a mad dog that drives you into a small corner. Here's what you've got to do with your worries: drive them into a small corner. Whatever is out to get you, you've got to get it. Whatever is pushing on you, you've got to push back.

The fifth interior enemy is over-caution. It is the timid approach to life. Timidity is not a virtue (unlike humility – they are different); in fact, it can be an illness. If you let it go, it'll conquer you. Timid people don't get promoted. They don't advance and grow and become powerful in the marketplace. You've got to avoid over-caution.

Do battle with the enemy. Do battle with your fears. Build your courage to fight what's holding you back, what's keeping you from your goals and dreams. Be courageous in your life and in your pursuit of the things you want and the person you want to become.

To Your Success,

Jim Rohn
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"Read something positive every night and listen to something helpful every morning."

Tom Hopkins
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Self-esteem

The lack of self-esteem is common in our society. It can hold back our progress, put us under extreme stress, and make us feel generally bad about life. It may have been building inside us for many years with the aid of bad thinking, but bad thinking can be replaced with good thinking.

"A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms against himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it." - Alexandre Dumas (1802-1870)

First of all, be yourself! It is much better to be you than an imitation of someone else. We should accept that we are just human beings and forget trying to be perfect in the eyes of others. If there were no room for us who are not superstars, it would be a very empty world.

"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." - Henry Thoreau (1817-1862)

"The finest lives, in my opinion, are those who rank in the common model, and with the human race, but without miracle, without extravagance." - Michel de Montaigne (1553-1592)

Whenever self-doubt creeps in, quickly replace your thoughts with a good image of yourself and your actions. "Drag your thought away from your troubles . . . by the ears, by the heels or any other way you can manage it. It's the healthiest thing a body can do." - Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Speaking out can be one of the most difficult things to do when bogged down with self-doubt. Some things to consider trying - Stop criticizing yourself. Don't be too careful about what you are going to say - just say it - the heck with it! Don't be too critical of others, and let anyone and everyone know that you feel friendly toward them.

"It is never so difficult to speak as when we are ashamed of our silence." - La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)

Ken N McIsaac
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"The things I want to know are in books; my best friend is the man who'll get me a book I ain't read."

Abraham Lincoln

Just a quick thank you to all for your prayers for my dad. His stroke was pretty severe, and while we have seen some progress, it will be a long road to get the "old Jerr" back. He is a big guy, and has always had mobility issues, but he is sharp as a tack, and that's what we are praying comes back! Nothing can prepare you in watching a parent stuggle with this, so prayers are the best thing for him!
I am home now, so these posts should become more frequent. Thank you again to all of you.
sheri

A wonderful realization will be the day you realize that you are unique in all the world. There is nothing that is an accident. You are a special combination for a purpose and don't let them tell you otherwise, even if they tell you that purpose is an illusion. You are that combination so that you can do what is essential for you to do. Don't ever believe that you have nothing to contribute. The world is an incredible unfulfilled tapestry. And only you can fulfill that tiny space that is yours.
Leo Buscaglia
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An Educated Mind

In Tom Russell's, "SuperWisdom Ezine", http://www.superwisdom.com, he quotes the ancient Greek philosopher, Aristotle, who said, "It is the mark of the educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."

This is also great practice when it comes to mastering the art of positive persuasion. Why? Because, in persuasively communicating your point of view (remember, there is a big difference between "convincing" someone and "persuading" them. Typically, convincing does not move a person toward action - at least not the action you want but, instead, makes them more determined to stay with their current opinion. Persuasion, on the other hand, moves them to take the action you desire) you first must understand their point of view.

This does not mean you agree with it. But, in order for them to understand your view, they must first be - and actually feel - understood by you. This, of course, is the basis of Dr. Stephen Covey's 5th Habit from his book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People", http://www.amazon.com ; "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."

However, entertaining someone's point of view that, by its very nature, disagrees with yours is much easier said than done. As human beings, we have a natural tendency to dismiss a foreign thought as, just that....foreign, and as having no credibility. This is due largely to our "Belief System" or - as Don Miguel Ruiz calls it, in his fantastic book, "The Four Agreements", http://www.amazon.com - our "Agreements" that we've unconsciously taken on due to circumstances of birth, environment and experiences throughout our lives.

How do we "train" ourselves then, in this somewhat challenging area, to be able to entertain a thought not typically in alignment with ours, without either dismissing it outright and/or without buying into it completely?

One method I use is to purposely read a book written by someone with whom I am prone to disagree. For me, this is easy to do with many politically-based books currently on the market but, depending upon your interests, you'll want to read books in other genres.

What I'll do is take a thought espoused by the author, and dissect it. I'll bend it, twist it, turn it, and look at it from as many different views as possible, playing both advocate (I'll ask myself what it is about the idea I like) and opposer.

Try this exercise and you'll see that the next time you're in a debate or disagreement with a person, you can utilize this same process to entertain their thought or idea without necessarily having to buy into it and without summarily dismissing it. Once the other person can tell that you had enough respect for them to at least entertain their idea, they will be a lot more likely to entertain yours....and hopefully buy into it, as well. Assuming, of course, that your idea is a win/win, which I'm sure it will be.

Bob Burg
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"In this world, you must be a bit too kind to be kind enough."
Pierre Carlet de Chamblain de Marivaux
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Boundaries

Boundaries keep us safe. Boundaries are functional limits that enable us to understand ourselves and others better.


Boundaries are often very challenging. They are challenging to identify and even more difficult, often, to up-hold especially during stressful moments.


Knowing what you need and want and don't need and don't want is at the centre of learning to identify the boundaries that you may need.


Learning to be respectful of yourself and others is central to learning how to respect the boundaries of others.


For some boundaries are brick walls. Wall that usually wall them in while they serve to keep others out. This is a lonely isolated place to be. It is a place of great protection and great loss.


The ideal is to develop flexible boundaries that can be adapted to your needs as situations and trust levels change. Life is about flow and flux. Boundaries that can be raised when needed and somewhat lowered when appropriate make for the most functional living.


Boundaries are a major vehicle of self-care and of healthy living.


For many who have had pasts that have made it difficult to understand how to identify needs, learning to set these healthy limits is not easy. Learning to develop and then up-hold boundaries for yourself takes conscious effort and work and is often a goal in getting therapy.


Boundaries are limits. Boundaries keep you separate as an entity from others. Knowing where you begin and end and anyone else begins is necessary to healthy relating.

Copyright (C) 2005 Ms. A.J. Mahari
(soulselfhelp@rogers.com)
(www.soulselfhelp.on.ca)
All rights reserved.
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"It is always with excitement that I wake up in the morning wondering what my intuition will toss up to me, like gifts from the sea. I work with it and rely on it. It's my partner."
Jonas Salk

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction.

E.F. Schumacker
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A Child's Advice to His Parents

My hands are small. Please don't expect perfection whenever I make a bed, draw a picture, or throw a ball.

My eyes have not seen the world as yours have. Please let me explore it at my own level without unnecessary restrictions.

Housework will always be there, but I will be little only for a short time. Please take time to explain about this wonderful world.

My feelings are tender. Please be sensitive to my needs. Treat me as you would like to be treated.

I am a special gift from God. Treasure me as God intended, holding me accountable for my actions, giving me guidelines to live by, and disciplining me in a loving manner.

I need your encouragement to grow, so go easy on the criticism. Try to correct my behavior without criticizing me as a person.

Give me the freedom to make decisions. Permit me to fail, so I can learn from my mistakes. Then I'll be prepared to make the kind of decisions life requires of me as an adult.

Don't do jobs over that I have done. This makes me feel that my efforts don't quite measure up to your expectations. I know it's hard, but please don't compare me with my brother or sister.

Please don't be afraid to leave for a weekend together. Kids need vacations from parents, just as parents need to get away occasionally. This is also a great way to show us kids that your marriage is very special.

Please set a good example by taking me to church and religious education class regularly. I enjoy learning more about God.

~author unknown~
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Be content with what you have, rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.

Lao Tzu
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MANNERS by Zig Ziglar

Today, we too rarely practice good manners... When we neglect to require our children to say "thank you" when someone gives them a gift or does something for them, we are raising ungrateful children who are highly unlikely to be happy. Without gratitude, happiness is a rare thing. With gratitude, the odds go up dramatically that happiness will be the result.

A classic example of the validity of gratitude in action is the story of Roy Rogers. After he started in his first movie, he began receiving huge stacks of fan mail that he wanted to answer. However, his salary of $150 a week did not even cover the required postage. He talked to the head of Republic Pictures in the hope that the studio would handle some of his fan mail. He was summarily turned down and told he was foolish to think about answering fan mail because nobody else did. It took too much time and money.

Roy Rogers, one of the genuinely good guys of life, couldn't buy that. It was his conviction that if someone thought enough about him to write a letter, he should have enough respect for the person to answer it. Fortunately, the movie that caused him his "problem" also made him so popular that he could go on a personal appearance tour. He traveled many miles and performed countless one-night stands to raise the money to pay the salaries of the four people it took to answer his fan mail.

As a result of answering fan mail, he built a fan base that was faithful to him and remained faithful to him many, many years later. Yup, the good guys and the good gals really do win. So, develop some manners, respect others, and be grateful for what you have.

See you at the Top!

Zig Ziglar
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Simplicity is my hallmark, so keep life simple. Keep in constant contact with Me and watch yourself unfold in My love.

Eileen Caddy, Spiritual guide and author

Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

Harold Whitman
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Reaping A Multiple Reward

by Jim Rohn

For every disciplined effort, there are multiple rewards. That’s one of life’s great arrangements. In fact, it’s an extension of the Biblical law that says that if you sow well, you will reap well.

Here’s a unique part of the Law of Sowing and Reaping. Not only does it suggest that we’ll all reap what we’ve sown, it also suggests that we’ll reap much more. Life is full of laws that both govern and explain behaviors, but this may well be the major law we need to understand: for every disciplined effort, there are multiple rewards.

What a concept! If you render unique service, your reward will be multiplied. If you’re fair and honest and patient with others, your reward will be multiplied. If you give more than you expect to receive, your reward is more than you expect. But remember: the key word here, as you might well imagine, is discipline.

Everything of value requires care, attention, and discipline. Our thoughts require discipline. We must consistently determine our inner boundaries and our codes of conduct, or our thoughts will be confused. And if our thoughts are confused, we will become hopelessly lost in the maze of life. Confused thoughts produce confused results.

Remember the law: "For every disciplined effort, there are multiple rewards." Learn the discipline of writing a card or a letter to a friend. Learn the discipline of paying your bills on time, arriving to appointments on time, or using your time more effectively. Learn the discipline of paying attention, or paying your taxes or paying yourself. Learn the discipline of having regular meetings with your associates, or your spouse, or your child, or your parent. Learn the discipline of learning all you can learn, of teaching all you can teach, of reading all you can read.

For each discipline, multiple rewards. For each book, new knowledge. For each success, new ambition. For each challenge, new understanding. For each failure, new determination. Life is like that. Even the bad experiences of life provide their own special contribution. But a word of caution here for those who neglect the need for care and attention to life’s disciplines: everything has its price. Everything affects everything else. Neglect discipline, and there will be a price to pay. All things of value can be taken for granted with the passing of time.

That’s what we call the Law of Familiarity. Without the discipline of paying constant, daily attention, we take things for granted. Be serious. Life’s not a practice session.

If you’re often inclined to toss your clothes onto the chair rather than hanging them in the closet, be careful. It could suggest a lack of discipline. And remember, a lack of discipline in the small areas of life can cost you heavily in the more important areas of life. You cannot clean up your company until you learn the discipline of cleaning your own garage. You cannot be impatient with your children and be patient with your distributors or your employees. You cannot inspire others to sell more when that goal is inconsistent with your own conduct. You cannot admonish others to read good books when you don’t have a library card.

Think about your life at this moment. What areas need attention right now? Perhaps you’ve had a disagreement with someone you love or someone who loves you, and your anger won’t allow you to speak to that person. Wouldn’t this be an ideal time to examine your need for a new discipline? Perhaps you’re on the brink of giving up, or starting over, or starting out. And the only missing ingredient to your incredible success story in the future is a new and self-imposed discipline that will make you try harder and work more intensely than you ever thought you could.

The most valuable form of discipline is the one that you impose upon yourself. Don’t wait for things to deteriorate so drastically that someone else must impose discipline in your life. Wouldn’t that be tragic? How could you possibly explain the fact that someone else thought more of you than you thought of yourself? That they forced you to get up early and get out into the marketplace when you would have been content to let success go to someone else who cared more about themselves.

Your life, my life, the life of each one of us is going to serve as either a warning or an example. A warning of the consequences of neglect, self-pity, lack of direction and ambition…or an example of talent put to use, of discipline self-imposed, and of objectives clearly perceived and intensely pursued.

To Your Success, Jim Rohn
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For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.

Rainer Maria Rilke
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Coaching for Character

Michael Josephson

I've spent lots of time with some of the world's most successful coaches. I discovered that many of them think about character a lot, especially traits that are important to winning—like self-discipline, perseverance, resiliency and courage. They pay less attention to virtues like honesty, integrity, responsibility, compassion, respect and fairness—aspects of character that make a good person, citizen, spouse or parent.

The problem is that even at the amateur level, many coaches are hired and paid to win, not to build character. Unless it interferes with performance, to worry about the kind of person an athlete is off the field is a waste of time.

Coaches who seek to hone the mental and physical skills of winning while ignoring moral virtues of honor and decency too often produce magnificent competitors who are menaces to society.

Perhaps coaches of elite athletes not connected with educational or youth-serving institutions can operate in this moral vacuum, but all others have a responsibility to teach, enforce, advocate and model all aspects of good character including trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring and citizenship.

Whether it's sports, business or politics, whenever we divorce issues of competence from issues of character, we create a class of amoral professionals who think they're exempt from common standards of honor and decency. This discredits and demeans the moral standing of everyone involved.
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An excuse is worse and more terrible than a lie, for an excuse is a lie guarded.

Pope John Paul II

"The most splendid achievement of all is in the constant striving to surpass yourself and to be worthy of your own approval."

Denis Waitley
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Not Help; "Advice"

In Joe Tye's book, "Personal Best: 1001 Great Ideas for Achieving Success in Your Career" <http://www.johnwiley.com>, he quotes William Moran and James Cabrera. In their book, "Parting Company" <http://www.amazon.com>, they advise, "Never ask for a job; always ask for suggestions. Don't ask for favors; ask for advice."

Although, in this case, the authors are referring to those with whom one is networking in order to find a job, their suggestion holds for most other areas of wwi, as well. When you need help from someone, anyone, and that person is not obligated to help you (nor do you know at this point whether they are even interested in such), you'll find that asking for advice instead of a favor/direct help is often an excellent way to acquire both.

When I was just a few years into my speaking business there was one particular company I very much wanted as a client. I was constantly frustrated in my attempts to reach a decision-maker because, in this case, the company was so large, it was extremely difficult to even find out who it was; not to mention knowing the correct approach.

Eventually, I learned of a person in a different field who had them as a client. I knew him only indirectly, and (based on several factors) felt that to ask him *directly* for help via a referral or personal introduction would be inappropriate at that time.

Instead, I asked him for advice. I said, "Tom, I understand that 'XYZ' company is a client of yours. I've been trying to get them as a client for some time now, with no success. First, please know that I am absolutely not asking you for a referral. I'm just wondering if you could give me some advice on how to go about learning who to contact in the first place and the best way to reach that person."

Well, Tom did much more than that. He actually introduced me to the decision-maker by way of a telephone call, and that company became a huge client of mine for several years. I truly believe that had I come right out and asked Tom for help, he would have found that to be presumptuous and resisted. But, since I merely asked for advice, he was all too happy to take the next step. Again, this works in all types of situations and, in my opinion, for two main reasons.

One is that people don't mind being asked for and giving advice but don't necessarily enjoy being asked to hand over the fruits of their years of hard work. The second reason is that being asked feels good. Most people enjoy feeling as though they might make a difference in someone's life so, when someone humbly asks for advice, they're only too happy to provide it.

Note: There are times when coming right out and asking for direct help is totally appropriate. The above situation just didn't happen to be one of those times. If you feel that is the case, then simply ask for advice.

Bob Burg
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"Successful people begin where failures leave off. Never settle for 'just getting the job done.' Excel!"

Tom Hopkins
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A purpose that is you

With a clear and meaningful purpose will come the motivation and the energy to follow that purpose. When you're sure of the what and the why, you'll find everything necessary to handle the how.

Do you have trouble staying motivated, or keeping yourself focused, or following through on your commitments? With a compelling purpose, those troubles disappear.

Are you worried and anxious about how you'll do what you need to do? With a deep sense of purpose, those worries and anxieties give way to valuable, positive ideas and effective action.

There is a purpose, there is a why, that can bring every aspect of your life to higher and higher levels of performance and experience. You've glimpsed that purpose in moments of pure joy, those times when everything in life just seemed to be flowing perfectly.

Dive deep into who you are and connect yourself to a purpose that is uniquely and overwhelmingly you. Seek to know and live a purpose so positive, powerful and compelling that you cannot let go of it.

Already you have seen bits and pieces of that purpose at times, even if somewhat dimly. Just imagine what you could do if you were to include that powerful purpose in every moment.

Imagine it, and then let yourself make it so. Your highest and best purpose is ready to be lived.

Ralph Marston
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My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.

Indira Gandhi
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BEING YOURSELF, BECOMING REAL

" Your goal is to find out Who You Are." --- A Course in Miracles

I heard a story once about an eagle's egg that had got lost or abandoned and was found by chickens. When the eagle hatched, it was loved and cared for by the chickens, brought up to act and behave as if it was a chicken. It knew nothing else… Until one day, the eagle was with his brothers and sisters pecking at the ground, like a chicken, when something made him look up to the sky. High above he saw a majestic sight, a beautiful bird soaring gracefully. Something was stirred inside him, a remembrance, a recognition of 'home'…

He asked the chickens, "What is that beautiful bird up there?" The chickens looked up. "Oh that," they said, "that's an eagle, king of the birds. But forget about him, you are one of us, you are a chicken…." I don't know how the story ended and, to me, it is not a case of an eagle being superior to a chicken…just different. The same story has been told about a duck's egg and one day the duck arrives at a great lake just swims, "because he can" --- "it's natural", leaving his family on the shore.

As I understand it, it's all just about remembering Who/What we really are, regardless of what we've been told by others or how we have been brought up. A rose will grow into a rose even if it's in the middle of a field of tulips.

There is an ancient Indian word "Dharma", which has two meanings. The first is, "Your nature, your true, real, essential nature." The second is, "Your purpose in life". To me the two are inseparable. I believe the word literally translates as Truth.

"You are what your deep driving desire is; as your desire is so is your will; as your will is so is your deed; as your deed is so is your destiny." --- Upanishads, India

Or, like they said in ancient Greece, "Character is fate".

Whatever we are at our most fundamental level, at our most base, whether that be something metaphysical, or something like DNA, I believe that to discover, or remember it is our 'raison d'etre'. And to live in accord, harmony with our deepest selves is the meaning of success.

"Above all, to thine own self be true." --- William Shakespeare

It's been said that when we die and go back home to our Maker, we will never be asked why we didn't cure the common cold, why we never made a billion pounds or anything else like that, but simply be asked, "Why didn't you just be yourself?"

Simon Heighwaya
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The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.

Richard Bach
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Quality of your thoughts

With your thoughts you can open your eyes. What you see in front of you is a function of the thoughts you nourish inside of you. Have you ever thought about a person whom you haven't heard from in a long time, and then that person suddenly appears again in your life? It may seem magical or supernatural but it's not.

For your thoughts did not magically cause that person to appear. Instead, your thoughts opened you up to connect with that person who was there all the time.

There are vast expanses of reality that you have never even considered. Your thoughts can open you up to experience all sorts of valuable and wondrous things.

Life becomes available to you to the extent that your thoughts allow. And the quality of life that you experience is very closely connected to the quality of your thoughts.

Your thoughts are the filter through which you connect with the world where you live. With your thoughts you can choose to experience the best of life's countless possibilities.

Ralph Marston
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To fulfill a dream, to be allowed to sweat over lonely labor, to be given a chance to create, is the meat and potatoes of life. The money is the gravy.

Bette Davis