A wonderful realization will be the day you realize that you are unique in all the world. There is nothing that is an accident. You are a special combination for a purpose and don't let them tell you otherwise, even if they tell you that purpose is an illusion. You are that combination so that you can do what is essential for you to do. Don't ever believe that you have nothing to contribute. The world is an incredible unfulfilled tapestry. And only you can fulfill that tiny space that is yours.
Leo Buscaglia
********************************************************
An Educated Mind
In Tom Russell's, "SuperWisdom Ezine", http://www.superwisdom.com, he quotes the ancient Greek philosopher, Aristotle, who said, "It is the mark of the educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
This is also great practice when it comes to mastering the art of positive persuasion. Why? Because, in persuasively communicating your point of view (remember, there is a big difference between "convincing" someone and "persuading" them. Typically, convincing does not move a person toward action - at least not the action you want but, instead, makes them more determined to stay with their current opinion. Persuasion, on the other hand, moves them to take the action you desire) you first must understand their point of view.
This does not mean you agree with it. But, in order for them to understand your view, they must first be - and actually feel - understood by you. This, of course, is the basis of Dr. Stephen Covey's 5th Habit from his book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People", http://www.amazon.com ; "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."
However, entertaining someone's point of view that, by its very nature, disagrees with yours is much easier said than done. As human beings, we have a natural tendency to dismiss a foreign thought as, just that....foreign, and as having no credibility. This is due largely to our "Belief System" or - as Don Miguel Ruiz calls it, in his fantastic book, "The Four Agreements", http://www.amazon.com - our "Agreements" that we've unconsciously taken on due to circumstances of birth, environment and experiences throughout our lives.
How do we "train" ourselves then, in this somewhat challenging area, to be able to entertain a thought not typically in alignment with ours, without either dismissing it outright and/or without buying into it completely?
One method I use is to purposely read a book written by someone with whom I am prone to disagree. For me, this is easy to do with many politically-based books currently on the market but, depending upon your interests, you'll want to read books in other genres.
What I'll do is take a thought espoused by the author, and dissect it. I'll bend it, twist it, turn it, and look at it from as many different views as possible, playing both advocate (I'll ask myself what it is about the idea I like) and opposer.
Try this exercise and you'll see that the next time you're in a debate or disagreement with a person, you can utilize this same process to entertain their thought or idea without necessarily having to buy into it and without summarily dismissing it. Once the other person can tell that you had enough respect for them to at least entertain their idea, they will be a lot more likely to entertain yours....and hopefully buy into it, as well. Assuming, of course, that your idea is a win/win, which I'm sure it will be.
Bob Burg
********************************************************
"In this world, you must be a bit too kind to be kind enough."
Pierre Carlet de Chamblain de Marivaux
********************************************************
Boundaries
Boundaries keep us safe. Boundaries are functional limits that enable us to understand ourselves and others better.
Boundaries are often very challenging. They are challenging to identify and even more difficult, often, to up-hold especially during stressful moments.
Knowing what you need and want and don't need and don't want is at the centre of learning to identify the boundaries that you may need.
Learning to be respectful of yourself and others is central to learning how to respect the boundaries of others.
For some boundaries are brick walls. Wall that usually wall them in while they serve to keep others out. This is a lonely isolated place to be. It is a place of great protection and great loss.
The ideal is to develop flexible boundaries that can be adapted to your needs as situations and trust levels change. Life is about flow and flux. Boundaries that can be raised when needed and somewhat lowered when appropriate make for the most functional living.
Boundaries are a major vehicle of self-care and of healthy living.
For many who have had pasts that have made it difficult to understand how to identify needs, learning to set these healthy limits is not easy. Learning to develop and then up-hold boundaries for yourself takes conscious effort and work and is often a goal in getting therapy.
Boundaries are limits. Boundaries keep you separate as an entity from others. Knowing where you begin and end and anyone else begins is necessary to healthy relating.
Copyright (C) 2005 Ms. A.J. Mahari
(soulselfhelp@rogers.com)
(www.soulselfhelp.on.ca)
All rights reserved.
********************************************************
"It is always with excitement that I wake up in the morning wondering what my intuition will toss up to me, like gifts from the sea. I work with it and rely on it. It's my partner."
Jonas Salk
Leo Buscaglia
********************************************************
An Educated Mind
In Tom Russell's, "SuperWisdom Ezine", http://www.superwisdom.com, he quotes the ancient Greek philosopher, Aristotle, who said, "It is the mark of the educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."
This is also great practice when it comes to mastering the art of positive persuasion. Why? Because, in persuasively communicating your point of view (remember, there is a big difference between "convincing" someone and "persuading" them. Typically, convincing does not move a person toward action - at least not the action you want but, instead, makes them more determined to stay with their current opinion. Persuasion, on the other hand, moves them to take the action you desire) you first must understand their point of view.
This does not mean you agree with it. But, in order for them to understand your view, they must first be - and actually feel - understood by you. This, of course, is the basis of Dr. Stephen Covey's 5th Habit from his book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People", http://www.amazon.com ; "Seek first to understand, then to be understood."
However, entertaining someone's point of view that, by its very nature, disagrees with yours is much easier said than done. As human beings, we have a natural tendency to dismiss a foreign thought as, just that....foreign, and as having no credibility. This is due largely to our "Belief System" or - as Don Miguel Ruiz calls it, in his fantastic book, "The Four Agreements", http://www.amazon.com - our "Agreements" that we've unconsciously taken on due to circumstances of birth, environment and experiences throughout our lives.
How do we "train" ourselves then, in this somewhat challenging area, to be able to entertain a thought not typically in alignment with ours, without either dismissing it outright and/or without buying into it completely?
One method I use is to purposely read a book written by someone with whom I am prone to disagree. For me, this is easy to do with many politically-based books currently on the market but, depending upon your interests, you'll want to read books in other genres.
What I'll do is take a thought espoused by the author, and dissect it. I'll bend it, twist it, turn it, and look at it from as many different views as possible, playing both advocate (I'll ask myself what it is about the idea I like) and opposer.
Try this exercise and you'll see that the next time you're in a debate or disagreement with a person, you can utilize this same process to entertain their thought or idea without necessarily having to buy into it and without summarily dismissing it. Once the other person can tell that you had enough respect for them to at least entertain their idea, they will be a lot more likely to entertain yours....and hopefully buy into it, as well. Assuming, of course, that your idea is a win/win, which I'm sure it will be.
Bob Burg
********************************************************
"In this world, you must be a bit too kind to be kind enough."
Pierre Carlet de Chamblain de Marivaux
********************************************************
Boundaries
Boundaries keep us safe. Boundaries are functional limits that enable us to understand ourselves and others better.
Boundaries are often very challenging. They are challenging to identify and even more difficult, often, to up-hold especially during stressful moments.
Knowing what you need and want and don't need and don't want is at the centre of learning to identify the boundaries that you may need.
Learning to be respectful of yourself and others is central to learning how to respect the boundaries of others.
For some boundaries are brick walls. Wall that usually wall them in while they serve to keep others out. This is a lonely isolated place to be. It is a place of great protection and great loss.
The ideal is to develop flexible boundaries that can be adapted to your needs as situations and trust levels change. Life is about flow and flux. Boundaries that can be raised when needed and somewhat lowered when appropriate make for the most functional living.
Boundaries are a major vehicle of self-care and of healthy living.
For many who have had pasts that have made it difficult to understand how to identify needs, learning to set these healthy limits is not easy. Learning to develop and then up-hold boundaries for yourself takes conscious effort and work and is often a goal in getting therapy.
Boundaries are limits. Boundaries keep you separate as an entity from others. Knowing where you begin and end and anyone else begins is necessary to healthy relating.
Copyright (C) 2005 Ms. A.J. Mahari
(soulselfhelp@rogers.com)
(www.soulselfhelp.on.ca)
All rights reserved.
********************************************************
"It is always with excitement that I wake up in the morning wondering what my intuition will toss up to me, like gifts from the sea. I work with it and rely on it. It's my partner."
Jonas Salk
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